The need for common measurement to our morals (P1/4)

I've said before about the troubles that can be due the differences in interpreting the facts and reactions towards, when people confuse the terms and they differently determine them which can lead to contradictions.

I give another picture for that, the Bosnian schools for example, and even in same city, they have different lessons for history subject, because the different perspectives towards the last war they've had, and each community teaches the subject in starting from its personal view and not necessary to telling the truth most of times. Such situation can show the gap that exists into the depths of the same society to be fragile, moreover the troubles that can happen because of that (like the national pride or national spirit as one of common issues which isn’t in fact and that may destabilize the country). because each side reads the events in a way different than the other side, different reasons, different excuses and different consequences, we reach - at the end - different measurements while everyone has his own system to evaluate facts and situations, because they started from different platforms to treating the issue, those different measurements don't bring harmony, neither to stabilize enough the social life of people although the same circumstances they share.

I stopped last time with a question, which measurement should we rely on to define properly the platform (for all people who share same situation) with clear principles and based on morals we've to share?

When everybody is living life according his personal principles, and each one is looking after his happiness ad success through certain perspective -based on some interests- which can be completely in the opposite of someone else. And what someone sees as a good thing and fulfilling the happiness, someone else may see it horrible and kind of corruption. Such difference is what breaks the harmony of being in social life and prevent the civilized progress.

If we look after the morals and their beginnings, people appreciate generally certain values but they can be different sometimes until being in contradictions while someone appreciate something whereas the other appreciates absolutely the opposite in fact. we find out that one of the reasons and the explanations of beginning; it was to guarantee the social interest to living into a group of people (society) through certain rules and without neglecting the individual. Because if every individual started looking after his personal satisfactions, and to getting his own benefits; then it'll be hard to establish a society, because there is be transgression on others and their rights aswell.

For this fact; it was necessary that everyone must renounce some of their demands and requirements willingly to guarantee the safety (from any transgression) and the freedom (to dreaming and looking after goals), that kind of balancing between issues can lead to the peace between people of the same environment.

That renouncing can be in many different ways, or all together, such as discussions, learning about, experiences and measuring the consequences from. The next question is: on which bases we can be sure that the renouncing is fair and just for us as same as it's for the others? And how do we realize and guarantee that others also are ready to offer that renouncing?

What does everybody need? (To realize his existence correctly in life).

The human is the only creature on the planet that possesses a mind, and he’s featured by this great grace between all creatures to find out the reason and the purpose from his existence in the world. It means that all creatures in the universe are created to be devoted for the human, and realizing his existence.  But not all people have the luck to discover that with the truth which says that everybody is created for a specified reason.

Habitually; we got the first information from people around us who experimented them before, in other words it’s a ready knowledge we obtain easily from others, and that’s running ordinarily between generations.  The past provides an immense service for humanity to learn lessons from mistakes of previous people (individuals or in groups). Those previous experiences can guide us to developing ourselves in the everyday life (in all its details). It was the mind that let the humanity did great steps towards the luxury of life and civilization during centuries and eras. The lifestyle of people is growing up constantly and always there is a new thing comes (from creative minds) to our world in order to facilitate the life and to make it easier and more comfort than before. We can see an interpretation of that in several things around us whether in material or mental products and creations; we can touch the progress in comparing with previous eras.

That mission (which the mind provides to us) requires to keep moving on the same road, learning from previous mistakes, and correct into the current life, all that for serving the next generations to have a life better than ours now, we teach them from childhood to establish on the previous gained -knowledge (and start from where the previous are stopped, like defining the headlines of life)then they continue the process in the same context and of course the same mission that the mind is required to do.

When the destiny leads you to a side that you didn’t want (looks like that in first time), and although you spared no effort to get that, don’t be so upset from it because you reached the side that you need in fact (instead what you want), the god’s wisdom wanted to give you what’s necessary and important for you right now, your mind can’t recognize all at same time whereas your creator can do, so respect that and accept in your life and don’t be rush in getting your desires.

During that time, the mind has to do something else, it’s depending to the everyday life, serious matters which every person must think and care enough about them. Those matters are relying on the human life generally from the beginning until the end, the next time; we’ll show generally the essence of these serious matters.

“A life without decency is a silly life, without a mission or responsibility it’s so stupid life and so bored life when there isn’t a goal from the whole life.”  - Dr. An-Nabulsi.

the deformed democracy of 21st century (part 1)

   Idiomatically the concept of democracy came from the Greek nation and created from two words with meaning of “the power of people” generally “power of the human”, but this concept was incomplete when the foreigners and slaves were excluded from the rule, and they haven’t the same rights like the citizens and the meaning exactly became “the power of liberated Greek citizens –only-“.

   The world today inherited the idea of democracy from the results of revolutions which changed the kingdom’s systems in Britain and France to legislative and popular nations (I mean the political systems). So the democracy is a feeling of dual appreciation for the human to himself and for the others in the same time, then it expanded on the entire world (to other nations). This feeling didn’t fixed with confines (unlimited), it was absolute liberation which made problems of falling down in the darkness of previous case before revolutions, this case brought several negative phenomenons which affect on the social, political, and economical life in nations.

   Because of the separation between the power “the state” and the religion “the faith ; the western nations today built their societies on tangible and economic goals in the life (worldly life only), that make people in hurry to earn more and obtain their personal interests, more of benefits, feeling of egotism, …etc.  “Whatever the means”         

   And we can see the monopoly of minority on the majority, then we get in result the citizen like a slave to his economic situation between the hands of powerful leaders, this is in the west. Although this material condition for life is controlled by governments in the east (guaranteed) but in counting on the individual freedoms.

   With time; these situations will create risks of destabilization of these societies in the near future because of there is no-means to keep the control in starting from the individual psychology even the social life of people (the soul of people together as a nation). And we’ll see the no-confidence increased, oriented liberty of speech, the monopoly, deception, avidity, stealing rights for private interest.

  The democracy (before practicing it) is a feeling of course of appreciation of the individual to himself as equal as to the others, then a system which guarantees certain conditions to provide the individual rights and social assurance in confines.

The path to reach the happiness (part 2/3)

    I said in the last time about the happiness, and I mentioned that it’s a decision we should do it, and the happiness we make it, and it doesn’t come in coincidences often.

   I heard one scientist talking in a lecture, and he talked about a long study which it made of many specialists to find the reasons of distinguishing and saying: if he’s a smart person or no, then he concluded this word:  “ the cleverness is the adaptation”. How can you adapt with your conditions and your environment in every time and in everywhere you’re.

   Many people got the sadness (the opposite of happiness) because they look at the problem (when there is) they focus on it and forget immediately all the positive things in the life (before getting this hard problem, or before failing to get something you wanted it).  I give a saying here: “one bird between your hands is better than 10 on the tree”, which means: don’t make your happiness relies on something you don’t have them yet, because maybe you won’t get anyone of them. it’s like living in dreams and I said before that it’s wrong in the life to live in imagination (previous article).

  That appears when you want to get something and you’ve a strong eagerness to realize it, but sometimes you can’t do, maybe it isn’t your true way, and your destiny is in other road (I talked in previous article about it). So your happiness should be relied on something you’ve them, not rely on something you wish to have them yet (live your moment !).

  The money was the important reason to make people sad and still until now (for people who haven’t it of course, they feel sad), in contrast; the rich people don’t have an absolute happiness, and maybe less, sometimes they’ve sadness more than the poor. Everyone who gets the livelihood without any effort until his month do you think he is happy? The problem is when you only see to the top and I can make difference between see (look at) / look for. When you look for, it means you’ve a target, and a plan to reach your destination, but when you only see (look at) you’ll got only the bad feelings (the sadness because you haven’t what other people have) when you compare yourself with someone is so far from you, you’ll have this bad feeling. Look at the top only when you think about developing your skills, your career in order to make models for yourself to get progress and development. We need to satisfy by our actual resources and conditions in life and just compare yourself with people near from your position now (if you want to achieve goals), we don’t stop improving to better because we’ve a plan for that, but enjoy your moments now by the available means between your hands, and why not if you can have better after a while. (Live your moment ! with good feeling).

   you’ll look below if you visit the orphan homes, or you go to the hospital, you’ll see the handicapped people there, diseases and illness for young, old, kids, …etc, you’ll understand the graces which you’ve now, you’ll see how much you’re lucky to be healthy, and you can measure this example on many parts in your life (work, personal life, your relationships, ..etc). You can feel happy because you look at people are less than your position now, therefore you feel happy that you’ve many things they haven’t them, you’ll see the several graces on you in the life. You still the same person, but you look differently now, right !!! There you can obtain a different feeling, it’s - of course - positive to make you happy.

   These are the 3 ways to compare yourself with others. And the modality is: when you just look at the people who have a social situation better than you, you got bad feelings from it, whatever when you look at the people with bad situations in their social life, you’ll see how many graces you’ve and of course you get good feelings from the meditation in your graces. And from all that we can deduce that the happiness is a trip and it isn’t a station. If you understand that, you’ll find the happiness in the road constantly when you’ve a purpose you feel of course happy regardless to your tiredness to obtain it. (Live your moment !  to have the good mood and positive power for living the next one).

   Be satisfied on your fate! (The last fate which you can't change it), you'll be the richest. I support the thought which says: the happiness is a decision we have to make it in the life, in the next article I’ll talk about another way to find your happiness.

the path to reach the happiness (part 1/3)

   7.3 billions of people in the world, you can’t find anybody among them who doesn’t want to be happy, all they want and have this purpose, so what can prevent us to be happy people? And why we can’t reach that every day?

   Nobody is excepted from bad conditions, and we all try to overcome them somehow, sometimes we succeed and some others not really.  And as we said already it’s an experience we learned it for the next days, but the hardest situation (in the life) is: when someone feels himself (herself) alone in the hard times. When no one can you rely on him (her).  If you’ve such as this situation I can understand what it means exactly, the people feel themselves with no value in the life in those time.

   One philosopher said: if the person is really: (the son of his parents, and of his environment, the son of his city , of his nation, …etc, if those are all true; so he’s absolutely the son of himself. Which means: your life is made of your thoughts and the result of your decisions, and everything concern you in this life is coming from your decisions. From this idea and the image below we’ll start our discussion.

Look at this picture, and let me see what your mind can tell you :

   In the picture you can see a cup of water (a known example in the world and I used to use it), and it’s (a half full / half empty), what's your choice? left or right ? Usually when someone is depressed, upset or disappointed ….etc, he uses the empty part and express like this : “I can see a cup of water, it’s half empty and it needs many to be filled“, when the person who has a good mood,  and optimistic emotions actually, the answer will be : “I can see a cup of water filled until the half, it’s not absolutely filled but I can see the water inside it.”

   It's depending to our views, and how we react with the environment around us, you’re surrounded with many conditions and your view isn’t the same if we change your mood or if we tell you bad news, it isn’t the same if you hear good news in the same position and event. I’ll tell you what’s better the first answer is “false”, so to tell the ½ filled is better than say ½ empty, which means:

   There are many things good, many advantages, many solutions, just you don't see them, and only see the empty part. You see the sadness, the negative part, the bad scenarios, ..etc. when you change the way which you see yourself, you find a lot of secrets inside you. This cup is a symbolic image for your satisfaction on yourself, and nobody has a full cup until the death of course.

  Maybe you agree with me now here in this point, and if you’ve a hard time in these days you say : “i wasn't always like this before. i don't know what came over me. usually i was strong. i wouldn't never give up but not on the contrary. “ so what happens recently ? what ‘s run with you in this time?

   Listen to me ! The life is like an exam. the obstacles aren’t to preventing us going ahead, but they are tests to make us stronger, and be ready for the next exams in the life, when you overcome something huge, you'll be stronger of course, and when you think “this test is bigger than your powers” (just it looks like that), but in fact it isn't, the difference is: if you give up from trying or not yet. And the saying says: “you don’t fail until you quit” (we talked about that previously).

   You mustn’t make your happiness relies on some wrong convictions you’ve them, and if you look differently to the matter, I mean to don’t rely your happiness on some reasons only because you think that they’ll be useful for your life, because many things look very important but in fact we’ll have a life better without them, and the inverse is correct too, now I want you ask your depths to get a clear answer,  can you look at yourself positively and discover your actual advantages, explore your abilities and all what you can do to pass this moment? Can you ? That let you see differently the life in front of you, and your acts will be surely different when you’ve the optimistic mood. The decreased self-confidence is one of reasons of the sadness. Have a sit please ! and look at yourself what you want exactly, want you to be happy ? (No one will answer “NO” of course), so what do you need more now, just decide to be happy, you shouldn’t wait to have that by luck, you need to decide how to be happy.

   It’s a truth what I’ll say now: Everyone has one advantage (at least) can make him someone special “featured person” in it. You must search about it, to shove your way toward the future.
  If you agree with me, be optimist, please ! Through trusting yourself, and believe that you can overcome all that, motivate yourself and try to increase your self-confidence, don't look at the near results, but the truth is in the end of road. And in the next article I’ll talk about some ways to find (recover) your happiness and continue your life ahead.

The planning separates between the real and unreal goals.

   I mentioned in a previous article, and I made difference between goals and dreams, maybe you spend several years and nothing you achieve at all, then you regret about it, and maybe you ask yourself what’s the problem with me that I can’t do anything, whereas some other can do? So in fact we’re in one from two cases “relaxing dreams” or “realistic dreams”, what Today we’ll talk about, is one (among many) widespread methods to plan for your goals.

   Firstly; the goal must be written on papers, and if you tell me that you know your goal, and they’re in your mind, so that doesn’t work. There are many methods to plan for personal goals or for organizations, like SWOT, POSEE, PMSP…etc. And to knowing more about these, you can check all the different ways.

  Secondly; The goal mustn’t be general (when you say for example: I want to be rich, or I want to lose 20 kilos of my weight, ..etc), because this kind of goals mean you’ll waste more of time, mean more of costs, more of tiredness, the  results are negligible, but the goal must be very specific. Therefore the most the most widely way used in these cases is S.M.A.R.T.

  S: Specific: the goal must be very specific and defined, so instead to say “I want to succeed”, or “I want to improve myself” you must specify in what exactly you want to succeed/ improve yourself? And say:” I want to improve myself in the computer’s skills.”

  M:Measurable: you can measure your goal periodically in order to know where you are now? And that let you see the obstacles which hamper your progress and compare the remaining (percentage with time) it’s good to know your steps in road to achieve your aim and make the necessary modification. The known rule says: “IF YOU CAN NOT MEASURE IT, YOU CAN NOT MANAGE IT”. And our goal becomes: “I want to improve myself in the computer’s skills through reading 10 books and Attend 2 training courses (internship).”
  A: Attainable / Agreed: in this step, we find a difference between the planning for personal goal, and planning for the goals of organization respectively.  Take your time for this planning and ask yourself how can you realize your goal? your qualifications, your means, and the agreement between “leaders of organization” about the details of this goal. (*Organization can be an association, a company, or a ministry, …etc.)

  R: Realistic: simply this part means that the good goal must be “difficult” & “possible”, and here I advise you to avoid the goals which aren’t compatible with your actual powers, skills, and resources. We continue in the same goal: “I want to improve myself in the computer’s skills through reading 10 books and Attend 2 training courses.” It’s a logical goal and not unreal, right !!.

  T: Timed: the goal has to be limited by time, the deadline to achieving your goal, because the opportunities become less when you the time is missing in the plan, and it becomes an opened goal (without confines), it isn’t important when you will realize it and it’s only a wish. The most important is the time of the end to compare with it. The same example becomes: “I want to improve myself in the computer’s skills through reading 4 books and Attend 2 training courses during 6 months.” You see!! And this is the final form of the goal.

    So in brief: the goal must be: Specific & Measurable & Realistic & Timed. If your goals aren’t compatible with these conditions, so you need to think again and plan from the beginning. And that’s what the sciences said.

If you want to make more details in your goal, when you plan for the available means to attain this goal, you follow the same previous steps S.M.A.R.T, and don’t forget to make a written plan for your goals.

When the failed try means the luck and it can be successful.

People today want to learn more, work, study, learn always how to make plans from life, plan to develop their careers, to realize several purposes corresponding the interests in life, and the life imposes these differences between them, especially young people who like to achieve something because they’re so ambitious and it’s good when you realize important step, and (after that) you feel so happy because of it. It’s a motivation for you to do more and more in your life.

That’s the ordinary scenario and the general way of human life, but sometimes he winds don’t run where the boats wish to go, and you meet some obstacles in the road, you failed in your try to realize this important thing for your life. Many people disappointed from it, and it’s logical reaction because the wish didn’t become real yet. Sometimes worse, I mean when you get in mind to stop thinking definitively to doing that again.

That’s true but it should be temporary, which means: you can try again with different way and you’ll have surely different results in the end.

We’ve a saying tells: “every horse has a stumble, and every skilful had a lapse” there it’s normal if you meet such frustration when you tried to achieve something and tell me honestly: “how many cases like you in the world? And how many case like that happened with you and they made you stronger than before, wiser than before, lead you to learn many things in the road only because you experimented them through those tries”.

If you stop trying now, I can make sure that it’s impossible to do anything, because there is no effort (null inputs). A lot of people got a great success in the life (which they never imagine it), they got it in the second try after losing in the first. They got a big change in life, immense transitions in their subways from this domain to another, They found their new ways differently to the previous, they had (and have) different lives now; in this case the failed try was a gift for them to find the way, to achieve a valuable career(furthermore the experiences).

The main point is when you failed to do something rightly - according to your plan - and don’t realize your aim, it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to do (at reverse) it’s just “a try” is failed for some certain existing reasons. Now you’ve an experience about the matter, new input will give you a new output (of course it’ll be different than the previous).

When someone in the world already succeed to do it - before you - so you can do it also now, you shouldn’t surrender, because the distinction is so clear between “the failed try” and “the impossibility”, this is the difference in your mind.

There is a possibility somehow to do and to get your targets, you mustn’t stop trying when you still alive. Your experiences bring to you the wisdom to treat your next days in the life with a good way.

the dialogue, the best way of communication (to keeping your relationships)

    Nobody disagrees that the dialog is important in life between people, and through it we can make a platform for our relationships and understand each other, regardless to the type of these relations. But: some people prefer their impression to define the way of communication with others, and they interpret by their minds only instead to make debates and talking explicitly.

     I give you some examples: “my friends didn’t call me last 2 weeks and I think this friend is angry at me”, or “there’s something new, it happened but my friend didn’t tell me about it yet, and i heard from others. I think there is a problem when he (she) didn’t tell me immediately about it”.  Even now “I just THINK”, right !!! And I’m sure that you’ve that in your life, with friends, colleagues, at least it happened once. And many other examples are in people’s life. The problems appear when you let your thoughts go far and without any criteria you start to react from them, which are made of your fiction only, in many times so far from the fact. Your imagination brings you this reasoning and these conclusions to destabilize your relations with this person or that friend, and probably it’ll be broken in the end.

    It was nice to so do something better (before tiring your mind by empty thinking, and interpret something aren’t true), it’s better to talk directly with the concerned person in the matter, and shorten your way.

   I advise you (in your talking) to use the decency of dialogue, don’t rely on your thoughts at all, ask: “what happens?” in first, what’s the strange income in last days? The reasons which lead you to this situation. Then inquire about the details, make a positive dialogue, honest conversation, because when the other person clarifies the matter to you, certainly you’ll avoid a lot of conflicts in your mind, and with this person (friend or colleague,..).

   That it happens often between friends, and sometimes these thoughts let the relation in forested position, you shouldn’t forget that your goal to get a progress, not to establish the proof on this friend that he (she) is wrong. In order to strengthen the relation not to look like winner and lose people who are around you. Remember that always before doing any stupid reaction can make you regret.

   My friend, if you’ve anything about me, or any strange feeling about me; please I’ll be grateful if you tell me honestly about it, and we can talk about the matter and handle everything together, it’ s better than staying in doubts.

   Don’t let your thoughts fill the gaps in your mind to give answers, and these guesses decide in your place and define your treatment with people, there is always a way better to keep your relationships well, when you talk clearly and hear what the other side has in mind, you can understand the answer, after that you can judge and decide.

where’s your opinion .. in the global issues

   The reading of all events in world makes many different analyses, and the basic resource in world of getting information today is the media, where we can through it, we can make our opinions in these matters from the several opinions shown on media. And that confirms the impossibility of media to be objective in showing the truth for people, for these reasons, i chose the media as a powerful resource. But unfortunately many of these opinions become ours too, and more, they become our convictions.  And we often talk and behave in starting from these ideas. Though the truth (sometimes) isn’t the same as we know it and not all what we know is the truth.

 So these opinions control us although they aren’t absolute, and they guide our decisions and views in life too.

   The most striking example I know now is : the bad image in world of Muslims as a nation, many accuses, hate, revulsion , and marginalization ...etc., all that just appear when people hear the word “Muslim”, regardless to the person or his origins, or his education. And we see clearly the stereotype which isn’t based on truth, but on some opinions only of intellectual currents. “ There the damage in reflection of people when these opinions become convictions “. Consequently; the final judgment won’t be true and fair enough always, and wrong in many times. Later I’ll talk more about this topic (what we really know).

    Here I wanted to warn you about some things, what do you say about all what you hear? Do you agree with all these opinions, and you accept them like absolute truth, and you believe in them? (Just because of harmonization with your tendencies). Or the right thing is to look for the truth through searching about all aspects before make a judgment?.

  When we’ve more information, we’ll have new view often and different opinions, and we can’t never find more information if we just rely on the same resources (by the way, the only resource here is the media).

  Generally this is the reality, but I want to focus on the individual in his close world, with relatives, friends, and colleagues. As the media affect our positions and our minds in different matters; also, the people around us affect our views and our minds in personal issues. In the next article, I’ll give some logical ideas to overcome the pressures (coming through opinions of these people) about the personal life.