The confusion between the popular fact, and the preferable choice (1/2)

I’ve lately discussed this topic with some friends, why the marriage should be a recommended choice for partners’ life instead of any other choice? And I can start from that as a question for article. I’ve discussed this matter before, and somehow; their reading was the reason of our discussion, my friends and I. And in addition to what I’ve said before (you can check and read if you didn’t do so), I promised them to write more about, so I want to bring here some facts to enlighten this topic more, maybe I succeed to answer this question here or at least clarify more of its aspects.

We sometimes follow the seductive rhythm around us whatever it is instead of following our personal preferences. And that’s a very serious and large topic we maybe discuss another time, but that can affect very much on our choices and our lives aswell.

Yes i know that guys avoid marriage because of its responsibilities, and that girls don't prefer marriage, because they may want for a reason or another to make marriage as a big event. Of course it’s a big event in life of couple, but they unintentionally mean to make that appear to all others, it’s like making it a big event for everybody around and they should feel it that way like them, or big for the whole city, or even for the whole country (if they can so); otherwise better not to get married.

We don’t need to complicate things, or to be connected to the materialist stuff because they’re just like accessories. Since the marriage is an official step of commitment between two people; so if someone is a loving person to the second, and really want to spend life with; then s/he doesn't mind the step to making the relationship official. Isn't it? Because they argue that step is not necessary and meaningless, so it won’t make difference if they do it also, yeah! Or maybe they don’t have enough trust to each other? That’s a big problem really.

           Also marriage is better because it guarantees the rights of both, rights in front of law and brings advantages too in comparing to the second choice. Besides that; the marriage prevents the person from looking far, away from his/her family zone. In other words; someone in relationship means s/he is still looking for better one meanwhile s/he with someone and confessing about the love maybe every day, but in reality that person not enough yet. Moreover; marriage makes the relationship stronger and the desires of breaking up will decrease since each one remembers that they're married and not just in relationship that can end simply anytime, so there will be a lot to do before being officially separated. It’s a stimulant reason to think well before acting and not to behaving insanely towards the situation.     …To be continued!

The need for common measurement to our morals (P3/4)

Philosophers discussed the question: are the powerful morals the same as the morals of powerful people? And is the power (or the ability to do what the person wants) enough to measure a value as a good or bad? Or that must be a look at the benefits meanwhile?

And since some people can avoid every possible punishment for their bad doings (besides their perspective about living this life and only); we get that the fears aren’t enough to keep the person committed to noble morals. Because they can escape and succeed to get in what they aspire whatever the environment truly is in.

If the fears that comes for the environment generally (and from others in particular), and to easily avoid any possible punishment, we’ll need another factor to keep the control, it’s the self-control. When the person exceeds the level of worrying about what others may do in return, to reach the level of worrying about the self-fulfillment; where the person carries such inner reference for self-controlling.

That mechanism comes from the faith that’s locate into the person himself due the convictions s/he has, to prevent him from doing anything wrong even if he can avoid that social judgment. And instead of just caring about their reactions towards him; he’ll care about his (re)-action towards others. Because he has an unseen faith that everything he does; will certainly be judged for, even if he can escape the social judgment. And that’s the advantage which takes out the bad traits in the human and elevate from his value in the existence. But may a faith bring such feelings although it’s not doing that deep effect into the person.

Moreover we can still have some misunderstanding and maybe an opposition too about the same matter, that's why the question will be:  beside the fears and the self- controlling; what else we need to do too? What’s the more criteria we need for reaching the point of being agreed on common values and morals? (to stabilizise the people's life).

The need for common measurement to our morals (P2/4)

Usually the establishment of morals and ethics between people is claimed to the fear, in case if we look to the matter from the logic of powers to renouncing. And as an explaination; their fears from being oppressed hamper them from transgressing on others. In other words; to push themselves to doing what they aspire to get in return as a deal. And this kind of agreement -they had approved- could make people living safely together, based on their fears of course.

They can be committed to such agreement to protect themselves to avoid every punishment they may deserve. Although we could guarantee some stability into the group of people, but we can’t guarantee totally the rightness or wrongness of the things we do, but we can’t decide what’s acceptable to do and what’s not.

Because the concept of life is based on living it to the fullest since it is just one life, and the success of the individual is justified according this concept, regardless the harm and damage that may others get even if they’re billions of people, but their personal view -to this life- is enough to please them as they think it is.

The question is, what would be; if there was no fears within some ones, whereas they got enough means to be far away and out of every punishment or social judgment that can threaten them? Moreover; since they even don’t care what their environment may think about them. In such scenario; what can stop these people if their pleasure and joyment comes from the wrong and bad things they do?

Humanity could make the civilization when people have invented the system of writing. and if we try to tell this story from its beginnings; we can say that the need to communicate properly and to easily make the exchange between people, they needed to do so, the idea was to draw symbols and figures able to referring to certain things when everybody else can see, he will understand easily. Some languages which they still use same old systems of symbols. And with ages these systems of writing got developed and updated to be easier until we see now. It’s in the same way like we see now the signalization in our streets to facilitate the traffic.

My point for that is; the system which is used here was able to make a common mechanism of principles and rules to guarantee the people life in groups wherever they’re. And same for the morals between people they should be in common aswell.

The need for common measurement to our morals (P1/4)

I've said before about the troubles that can be due the differences in interpreting the facts and reactions towards, when people confuse the terms and they differently determine them which can lead to contradictions.

I give another picture for that, the Bosnian schools for example, and even in same city, they have different lessons for history subject, because the different perspectives towards the last war they've had, and each community teaches the subject in starting from its personal view and not necessary to telling the truth most of times. Such situation can show the gap that exists into the depths of the same society to be fragile, moreover the troubles that can happen because of that (like the national pride or national spirit as one of common issues which isn’t in fact and that may destabilize the country). because each side reads the events in a way different than the other side, different reasons, different excuses and different consequences, we reach - at the end - different measurements while everyone has his own system to evaluate facts and situations, because they started from different platforms to treating the issue, those different measurements don't bring harmony, neither to stabilize enough the social life of people although the same circumstances they share.

I stopped last time with a question, which measurement should we rely on to define properly the platform (for all people who share same situation) with clear principles and based on morals we've to share?

When everybody is living life according his personal principles, and each one is looking after his happiness ad success through certain perspective -based on some interests- which can be completely in the opposite of someone else. And what someone sees as a good thing and fulfilling the happiness, someone else may see it horrible and kind of corruption. Such difference is what breaks the harmony of being in social life and prevent the civilized progress.

If we look after the morals and their beginnings, people appreciate generally certain values but they can be different sometimes until being in contradictions while someone appreciate something whereas the other appreciates absolutely the opposite in fact. we find out that one of the reasons and the explanations of beginning; it was to guarantee the social interest to living into a group of people (society) through certain rules and without neglecting the individual. Because if every individual started looking after his personal satisfactions, and to getting his own benefits; then it'll be hard to establish a society, because there is be transgression on others and their rights aswell.

For this fact; it was necessary that everyone must renounce some of their demands and requirements willingly to guarantee the safety (from any transgression) and the freedom (to dreaming and looking after goals), that kind of balancing between issues can lead to the peace between people of the same environment.

That renouncing can be in many different ways, or all together, such as discussions, learning about, experiences and measuring the consequences from. The next question is: on which bases we can be sure that the renouncing is fair and just for us as same as it's for the others? And how do we realize and guarantee that others also are ready to offer that renouncing?

The importance of the belief (part 03)

    Let’s continue from where we stopped before, and to mention some points here. The fearing of god → means that this person is thinking in sequences before doing everything, and not only –as everybody can do that too-, but s/he remembers that he’s having limits that s/he shouldn’t exceed them, and even when it’s possible to do and nobody can notice that but it’s invalid to doing that, then preferably to avoid as a choice and with a conviction→ which means also the self-control even when nobody else can notice that, and no collapse in behaviors or in values, from here the humanity got its moral culture, and in this context; people do a lot of thing in good sense in their around, without waiting anything in return from others, then they’re applying certain of real noble principles towards the world and humanity → and during that, s/he will be doing his/her obligation (with conviction of course) towards everyone (everything) around as much as possible for the god’s sake, and fearing god of hurting them too in every treatment or dealing with, that can look meaningless for those who didn’t experiment that really, because the god’s satisfaction is what s/he is looking for -in first place- and always there is a reason to stop them even if they get a bad intention in something.

    And when the goal is common between all people (and prior than the private interests and only), then it’ll be fair for all to agree with that rule, which shows the justice in front of all people alike, right. Because it’s so impossible to have a contradiction in purposes here between the god's satisfaction and people's agreement in such situation while all rules are applied on all at the same time and way.

    That’s above when we talk about the influence of religion on people’s transactions and dealings, and when we talk about the spiritual impact, we’ll see something else, may people today accuse the religious as weak people and they don’t trust themselves enough to face the life, in other words they claim the perfection and no need to any religion to live a proper life whereas they’re worshiping different idols when they don’t know, but the human nature requires to fill the spiritual side and complete that need inside, so historically many people left the religion when they don’t find their peace inside, but not only, they didn’t just accuse the way they were on, but generally the term of religion became inexistent for them completely, just from the only one experience they had, and that’s why they rejected all.

    Scientist and Philosophers confirm the belief as a part of every single soul, even those who make the mind just the only way to ruling the life instead of any other religion (which is useless), and to ruling the life by mind, it’s necessary to belief in the power of their minds and that are able to do everything, so without that certitude in their power and their authenticity, they can’t rely so much on their mind, and that means the belief. Religion was like a shadow of the humanity since the first age in obvious way that nobody can deny it.

    But Then they couldn’t continue in this way, because the spiritual side is empty and they’ve to cover it, not because the creator needs the obedience of human to him, but because the inner need of human to his creator to filling the spiritual emptiness, therefore a lot of people were( /are still ) looking for that mean to filling the shortage in the Far East (especially in the philosophical currents of Hinduism and Buddhism) or and learn that by their money instead of following the steps of their spiritual physicians sent by the god (like one scholar has said). As examples, people are learning yoga, or tai-chi, although we can’t deny their advantages on body and mind, like some other sports too, but not enough to cover all the spiritual needs in the modern life even if they calm down a bit that need, but can’t resist longer nor getting nirvana with life’s hardships.

    Furthermore, nowadays the social and economic pressures on every person are more than they were in decades before, because the world’s situation troubled in different sides, and so the feelings of fear increase too into everyone, that what explain (according studies) the inclination to astrology just to hearing what they want to hear and calming down their fears from totally the unclear future.

    People without a metaphysical stability are facing a lot of changes in the physical world, and they get many colors of distraction in life to have that chaos and wonder always, that lead many times to waves of depression, wondering, suicide ….etc. This last has high rates among the no-religious societies, and that reveals on the loss of the goal into their hearts, why do we live? And for which purpose are we living a period of certain years then leave this world? The true meaning from life totally is into the answer. Can the mind works with religion together to give a convenient answer?

What does everybody need? (From being in touch with others)

    It’s very obvious to us that everyone needs to interact with his environment by all its components, and in the first place interacting with other people like him. And I would like to remind you that the human nature is for living in sociable way to deal and react with that.

How can that interaction be in right meaning?

Keeping the hope:

    As we said before; the hope is very important factor to continue on the road, and without it; the people have no will to realize something they wish in life, they even lose the wish to do. But when your milieu brings to you the hope in somehow, and people around you are supporting you, trying to motivate you in several ways, show you some light in the murk of hopelessness. Show you their standing by your side, in that situation you may feel some hope and your mind lighted again by a new mental charge – like a device that turn on when it’s connected  to electricity-, all that to not surrender and retake the will to do what’s important for you.

More of patience:

    When you recover your hope, you’ll have the necessary energy to restart in right way. You’ll think how can you make yourself better and then your life in the good sense, when you recover your taste to life again you start looking for a way how to handle that, Even if these people they don’t know all details and the real circumstances around and pressures within; but when you feel their support, you’ll be shy if you disappoint their belief in you. But it’s not enough; you need the patience to not rush on results and keep doing your efforts to overcome the hardness of your bad times.

Strength and understanding through contact:

    When you need someone to talk to; you’ll be lucky if you find that person. Because people rarely when they think to give some of their time to others, whereas they should do that many times (I talked about that when I said that the happiness comes by giving more than by taking in life, so like you get try to give them also when it's possible). The discussion is the way to clarifying any confusion comes in minds, and rectify the thoughts.

    So it’s very important to the person to get that from his environment because he feels himself a factor in it, and a valuable element also, not just a rigid piece, and the close people are committed to do that.

Aspiration:

    Clearly to have the hope and the necessary strength to fulfil something fruitful in your life, it’s preferable to be in touch with very positive people who can motivate you and affect on you through their positive aura, positive charge, energies, and motivating sensitive words, to inspire from their process in life, in how they behave and dealing with challenges, and their effective doings towards realizing their goals. In result, you’ll reload your battery again, you’ll be positive too and very ambitious to get what you’re looking for, then your feelings will be always pushing you towards this required target (which increase your hope too) and you’ll achieve it while you’re still ambitious and in this stimulating environment.

    Mainly those are very important to have but moreover; people want to have trust and confidence, joy, sympathizing with them in life to not feel isolated and their presence in the mankind‘s life and not just a piece in one corner - to avoiding more diseases those coming from the lack of social dealings in life like the autism -.

    People are committed to contacting each other in our world because of the nature of life’s rules and be acquainted for exchanging thoughts and ideas, taking part of knowledge and sciences, sharing feelings and emotions and values too, contributing in the general and personal development alike, even the bad experiences will be a kind of sedateness and like a guide to you for what’s next in life, all those by being in contact righty with each other which broaden the horizons, and let the minds more opened.

Don't refrain yourself from telling good words!

   The life requires being in touch with people because of plenty of reasons in order to deal then to obtain the desires and interests.

    Nobody denies that the pressures (which come through life’s events and problems) they tire the person and break his will to doing something important as we said before. So it’s an ordinary fact that everyone can have in his life.

    In many times these situations are hard to overcoming them alone and maybe the solution -to handle them- comes from a separated person to the matter as the talking (with someone truthful and trustworthy who can understand you very well as he can understand that matter) is very helpful psychologically in way to resolve your problems, also the listening is useful too.

    If you already met that or someone whom you know in this case (your friend, sibling, colleagues, or just you met him in bus one day) and you heard from him that what’ we mentioned above, it means that this person has a need for help, and hoping to find something with you, else he couldn’t tell you explicitly, if you’re in this case and you can say something useful, so don’t hesitate to tell it (in order to add  a positive value of course), don’t hold back the good words from going outside of your heart! Even if you weren’t asked directly to tell; that you’re able; so release your tongue to bring a positive addition, and to be like a brightening source for your listeners. That because you don’t have the same stress and pressures, so you can bring a different view to the matter and telling your opinion in its positive sense. In the end it’s an opinion but it can be an important part of solution.

    You’re able to tell something useful about the matter that you heard, tell it when you’re permitted to tell! The time goes on, and maybe you forget after a while what you already said, whereas that person will live those words in his reality “like a medicine” where they affected positively on him and on his life generally forever. So that concerned person can recover the hope from your good words, you may be raising his morale, help to change a conviction to the better, all those results can come just through your wise word when you said it.

    You aren’t waiting for any recompense neither thanking, after that try to helping (because maybe you just met once and only one in your life) just do it for nothing in return as a service to someone even when you don’t know him. But when you grant this favour it’ll bring the happiness to your heart that you did something valuable really, one day you’ll meet also who tells you a good word and helps you. Don’t stop telling helpful words when you can that. Just keep yourself saying good words for people whom you know or you meet always in everywhere you’re whatever the situation, that’s better than keeping the silence and being neutral.

    In fact; don’t refrain yourself from telling good words necessary for the situation when you think  it’s the suitable time for it, that favour can be so instrumental for the second person when you do it, in our life it can be also wider than to be limited in words, maybe a mental or a physical effort, every favour (small or big) it’s a great service.

Is the asking of advice making us look weaker?

    In the same context of the previous articles; when we said that the human life is a part from social life, and it can’t continue normally separately alone. when you think that your existence is a part from social existence; you’ll deal and interact with people more and many great values appear and strengthen. So you communicate, discuss different matters, help and asking help too. That’s the way that people develop in their minds, find out different cultures and knowledge, and get always new perspectives.

    Every one passes by bad circumstances, and some hard times come across his life’s irregular moments, in those times; the problems weaken the person who undergoes them in somehow. Sometimes the situation leads to the matter that we already talked about in last two articles “the loneliness”, and this choice isn’t pleasant neither likable.

    But some others; they prefer to overcome these cruel times in way to face them instead the isolation. So they look for an exit or outlet to exceed the circumstance that they have currently. They think about a way to handle it, regardless if it’s a moral problem or depending to some life’s responsibilities.

    The smartest people are who share this situation with others to contributing in the way to resolve the problem, two minds are thinking together it's better than one only, and when three minds are thinking it's the best. And the luckiest people too are who find the suitable person to share with. You’ll add more experiences to yourself although you didn’t experiment them or test them at all. And that protect you to be mistaken in your next step and what you should do among a lot of choices. Through the advice you can get rid of your fogginess and you won’t be confused anymore.

    Whatever; we all know that your brain can do the necessary and it’s enough, but we are talking for the better option, for example, when you ask about an opinion, they think in free and they look to the matter from different perspective than yours. In contrast; with concerned person can’t do it normally in many times because of pressures of short time or having a bad mood, no energies for doing, …etc, don’t allow a quiet reflection.

    If you didn’t find with whom you share and ask advices to make a clear view about your actuality to pursue the life, work.., it doesn’t mean that it’s bad choice to let others contribute in solution of your problems, they are just suggestions when you listen well and in the end it’s your decision to choose what to do next. Probably you didn’t meet yet such as cruel circumstance for this reason or that, and it’s not weakness when you ask advice from the true person whereas it’s just an advisory option in order to light your mind by a different though, economizing your energies in road, and shortening time toward the solution and getting your target easier.

    We’ve a saying that says: “the fruits of experiences are the good choice”, and the asking of advice - when it’s necessary - sometimes; enters within this point. To get benefits from the fruits of gardens besides of yours.

The loneliness is a personal advantage or a social disease (part 02)

    The loneliness starts from a feeling of nobody understands correctly your needs, thoughts and your interests in life, then those people don’t find the essence of themselves (don’t feel their true value as persons), they suffer from some of marginalization in somehow, after that they don’t find any role they can do in life which brings depression, then more sadness, psychological instability ….(bad feelings too). So they prefer to be lonely more to not show their weakness and avoid talking with others even don’t discuss the matter except when it’s necessary. Because no one understands them, and again more depression more sadness until trending toward drugs, drinks, or suicide sometimes.

     I know sometimes you need to stay with yourself to renew your energies and discover yourself again, that’s logical to do, but to isolate yourself from any human interaction, that’s the wrong part in the matter. Maybe you blame yourself because of failures, your body lives in present whereas your feelings and spirit remained in past. You won’t have any progress in your life in this way.  And there is a saying: if you can’t change the circumstances; change your position and your attitude toward them! Look differently to the matter! And the live will flow in the other direction.

  How to do with them?

    Everybody needs help and support, it’s the social life and if you did a great job whereas no one evaluates or estimates well your work, you won’t like what you did, and you won’t enjoy your success at all, because it looks valueless work. Else when your work gets appreciation, and it looks valuable you feel pleasant and really you did something worth. And that’s the social life and the ordinary interaction with people.

    Moreover your destiny will bring to you who can help you in critical times; therefore you’re required to see when others are in need of your help or at least need your understanding as well. To not lose this person in the maze of loneliness; it’s preferably to bring him out by the sincere feeling of the understanding. When the person gets an impression that’s possible to find who can understand him, we won and we did a great achievement. Then the most important thing to do is the trust, it’s the channel to make this person feels your support and understanding, feels his existence in the real world as a member like everyone, all that to let him start talking with someone and break the wall of silence, it’s the first step.

    Secondly try to define for him his role in life (define again: remind him what he’s now? What can he do? And what should he think for to do?), and help to make a clear view for him to continue the life ahead. New dimensions ..with new horizons.

    If it’s in your responsibility or in your work to escort someone, you should provide the necessary help, show him the positive sides in his life, suggest him to join cultural or sportive clubs, improve some new skills and motivate him to learn something new in line with his tendencies, and also offer the guidance to achieve something valuable according to his interests, that recall to him self-esteem, and strengthen his confidence in himself.

How to do if you don’t find help?

    I know that the hardest times for each person are when he’s in need to close people - to standing beside him- and he couldn’t find that support from them, I mean when they aren’t available in the right time.

   The time is going on and you can’t stop the life, just you make yourself in vicious circle like living without existence and I think it isn’t fair enough for yourself. Probably that you don’t find who can help you to overcome that because it’s bad situation that you’re, so what should you do in this case?

    Break the routine! Change the things that you are used to do them every day, especially in weekend if you haven’t time in other days. If you’re working all days, you’re exhausted, go to have some fun (outside the work environment), plan to spend some time with family, friends, go to cinema, theatre, the park, the zoo,…etc or travel to a different city or country maybe.

    All the different kinds of pressures - from several responsibilities in life - lead to exit the life (in fact quit his existence as an active member), but the life doesn’t work like that, we should make effort to override all those, like I mentioned in many previous articles on this blog. Try to be in touch with others more, and discover how many people are different according to your tastes, you'll discover other things yourself within and how much you’ll be pleasant in your life.

Other victims in the societies (part 02)

   Another face to the same situation: (the details of laws in several articles in order to organize well the relationships, the labour market, families, upbringing and care of children), this large quantity or different articles make the social life more difficult because of immobility in these laws. When these articles are detailed to provide more protection and care for different categories in society. But the fact is looking a little different, when these laws bring some risks on family ties and probably to destroy its relations because of no flexibility in the laws and all articles are written by some bare minds from any emotional senses or humanitarian aspects, it’s an abstract law and not enough to cover all society’s sides and circumstances.

   Sometimes I think that we can make robots to manage issues and to announce provisions, without any need to human in these judgments. To tell the truth; the human legislations can’t never cover all matters occur in the society; therefore we need always a proportion of moralities and interference of the human aspect to complete the shortage of the abstract laws.

   Honestly the world today creates many fears. I saw many families can’t live together because of illogical reasons because the law imposes on the family members to live separately when the parents can’t provide the suitable care for children, therefore the government takes them to orphanage, or the separation between couples from different nationalities in reason that they don’t demonstrate substantial evidences for their living together under the same roof. A lot of issues are so clear to make decisions about them, but the details in laws through some articles hamper to go directly to this decisions and the problem  expands more and more.

   It hurts me a lot when I see some families can’t live a normal life like every family, when the laws make the life difficult to some people because the missed link in the matter is the emotional part and our laws are empty from every sense of humanity. And for example, instead to help the low-incomes’ families by governmental programs, they demonstrate their no-ability and spend more expenditures on making solutions for these demonstrations.

What we should do in that situation now?

   I know that the laws are unjust sometimes for some people because they aren’t enough to treat certain issues. But when you can’t get what you want like I said the first example above; why do you think its failure? Maybe only because the results can't come quickly, they need a little time more to come, you should be patient in your steps, to don't give up, and this is an important factor to continue the life normally. And the livelihoods’ ways are available constantly to everyone, only the necessary conditions didn’t gathered yet together, soon that’ll be changed and that’ll be your chance. In other words; never lose your hope about circumstances better for you than you are now.

    I appreciate very much the associative activities from several associations to help these people to fulfilment their goals in life and realize what’s necessary for them to continue a normal life, also the local agencies which provide some services to integrate people in context of certified lifestyle with some innovative solutions to avoid many social problems and conflicts, these activities can allowing to governments to look back in previous steps and correct some rules to reform better the society and give certain rights for a normal life to a wide segment in society. 

Religion & State: There is no separation in reality (part 2)

    All details in our life today are accumulations of several experiments and it’s possible that they came only from the human mind “alone”, but it’s based on truths overriding this human and derived from a great power in the universe who brought this law (which it’s represented in religious legislation “coming from the god and not the part made of people under religious cover”).

    These rules are approved (agreed) with our instincts and the social heritage during many centuries, therefore they –the rules- organize better the life from spiritual aspect through all religions of humanity.

    In everywhere; airports, hotels, institutions …etc we find the toilets are separated why? Why we feel awful when we see bad behaviour, but we enjoy and feel pleasant about the good deeds? Why we’ve this impression. We sleep at night while we awake on day to strive and work. When people break the rule which organize well the nature of relationships between man and woman, our societies become more unstable. If we search more, we’ll see many great social values and decencies came from our pure religions and they still until now in our customs.

   How can we make this separation, and the religion is a part from the family relations and social life between people even the relationship between the sexes is controlled by the faith, especially if we talked about the celebrated religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) and all these matters enter in the state governance.

   Can you see how much the faith influences on our thoughts, behaviours, our decisions and deals in unintentional way?

   Everyone asks himself about the reasons why he likes or dislikes this or that? All feelings, like hate, revenge, love, are controlled by his religion (I gather all mankind in the same side, even the agnostics and atheist are certainly human religions made of themselves *). I can make an easy question here does your faith hamper (prevent) you to decide something in your life? In other way; was your belief the cause to change an opinion about someone, then some people, or change your decisions in life? Nobody can answer me “NO” because we all do that in life, the most important question now is there any way to control it when the guidance is wrong on me? And there is a way to distinguish between the positive and negative effects of religion in your views and convictions?

*All habits and traditions which the human abides them is his religion, whether it was based on belief in god or not.

the dialogue, the best way of communication (to keeping your relationships)

    Nobody disagrees that the dialog is important in life between people, and through it we can make a platform for our relationships and understand each other, regardless to the type of these relations. But: some people prefer their impression to define the way of communication with others, and they interpret by their minds only instead to make debates and talking explicitly.

     I give you some examples: “my friends didn’t call me last 2 weeks and I think this friend is angry at me”, or “there’s something new, it happened but my friend didn’t tell me about it yet, and i heard from others. I think there is a problem when he (she) didn’t tell me immediately about it”.  Even now “I just THINK”, right !!! And I’m sure that you’ve that in your life, with friends, colleagues, at least it happened once. And many other examples are in people’s life. The problems appear when you let your thoughts go far and without any criteria you start to react from them, which are made of your fiction only, in many times so far from the fact. Your imagination brings you this reasoning and these conclusions to destabilize your relations with this person or that friend, and probably it’ll be broken in the end.

    It was nice to so do something better (before tiring your mind by empty thinking, and interpret something aren’t true), it’s better to talk directly with the concerned person in the matter, and shorten your way.

   I advise you (in your talking) to use the decency of dialogue, don’t rely on your thoughts at all, ask: “what happens?” in first, what’s the strange income in last days? The reasons which lead you to this situation. Then inquire about the details, make a positive dialogue, honest conversation, because when the other person clarifies the matter to you, certainly you’ll avoid a lot of conflicts in your mind, and with this person (friend or colleague,..).

   That it happens often between friends, and sometimes these thoughts let the relation in forested position, you shouldn’t forget that your goal to get a progress, not to establish the proof on this friend that he (she) is wrong. In order to strengthen the relation not to look like winner and lose people who are around you. Remember that always before doing any stupid reaction can make you regret.

   My friend, if you’ve anything about me, or any strange feeling about me; please I’ll be grateful if you tell me honestly about it, and we can talk about the matter and handle everything together, it’ s better than staying in doubts.

   Don’t let your thoughts fill the gaps in your mind to give answers, and these guesses decide in your place and define your treatment with people, there is always a way better to keep your relationships well, when you talk clearly and hear what the other side has in mind, you can understand the answer, after that you can judge and decide.