The relationships in our world today. (Part 02)

     I've heard this many times and i'd like to repeat the phrase, and i think it has a deep meaning too, which says: the most important in life is to love the woman/man whom you'll marry; instead to marry the woman/man whom you love. It seems confusing a bit, but i'll try to explain it now here. i don't think someone can disagree with the first part, but the second part looks wrong, you can understand me if you get in minds that I mainly emphasize on the order between the two factors, the wrong thing in the definition "of love" into our minds, (or in other words the way that our conscious learned about the love from different influences), and we can't rely on the love and only; to make a strong and long relationship - as everybody may say so -, but the love is supposed to grow up along the life in between, not waiting it to be grown enough then to be sure and to tell yourself : "ok! i'm sure this is the person whom i'll spend my life with", and if you ask anybody has a successful life (i mean asking eldery people), i think you'll find the same answer like in here.

     That calls in my mind the fact of two people still loving each other, although they don't look the same like the time when they've met in past, the changes came on them after years so the faces and bodies are completely changed with years, and even some views, but the love is alive and stronger. Of course there aren’t perfect and surely some conflicts had been within the years, and struggles to exceed some situations, also not everything was accepted from a one to another, but they kept the most important in between, that affability while living together and sharing the same responsibilities. With years they realize that the life can’t be shorten just into feelings, but the life is more than only that, and deeper aswell, which is based on more roles to play into. That's why the people today are far from their roots and social values, they disconnected from their past completely, and almost each relationship is free from any responsibility usually, so they lost the essences and get themselves lost.

     People surely need to know each other well before getting married , because it's an important step in life, but not necessarily in the way that's popular in the world of today. People agree with this fact they've now while they don't know anything else better as alternative. Because they wasted the ancestors' experiences and focused on the modern style of life that they're impressed by it,( kind of self-confidence more than the necessary), just to following the worldly trends, through different tools, and also reasons (which are long to talk about them all in here right now). But it's easy to know many about others today through communications (and as i said how friends are knowing about each other too), we don't need all details in the beginning whereas that must be as results for relationship, we need the necessary and the stability in the commitments between the couple.

     I’ve read in one novel about something in this context, the girl  and after some confusion she had and insecurity in her relationship, she asks her friend's advice  : I just want a hot relationship that ends up with marriage”, she naively thinks so. Then her friend - who’s older than her and seems wiser so - explained: you've just said it here, to ends up with marriage, and since it's ended up; so what will you keep for yourself both after getting married? fights? Looking for someone else or divorce maybe.

     Like that, the previous statement means, the love is growing up along the life and not completing its growth before the marriage, else it'll be drained only because no responsibilities nor duties that keep the relation between, no commitment, no clear goal nor common purpose for the two people ahead. Everyone is free and in every moment it's possible to be far away from the second in a second, that promote the cheating and disloyalty and cause then the insecurity, depression, and so on.

     To be committed into the marriage as an institution for family and society; requires some rules to follow, that commitment is the push to be someone caring and loving, because there is a goal they both aspire to achieve, it's the incentive to limit the passion into the family context (and i focus just on this side of love/relationships/marriage). That person won't look for something else far, where it's available between hands with the near partner and enough to fullfilling the needs (whether for the man or the woman) because it's mutual between.

     The emotions are an energy from the 04 human's energies, that should we renew it and upload it, and to be aware how to spend it, but the complication in the life today led the people to misuse this energy in the proper way, they unintentionally waste this resource and drain it in emptiness, and so they feel lost and usually to be in bad feelings can have awful consequences (which we previously have to avoid really).

     All that can show the need to think again at least on personal level, on how to measure that fact and to be aware enough to protect ourselves.

What does everybody need? (From being in touch with others)

    It’s very obvious to us that everyone needs to interact with his environment by all its components, and in the first place interacting with other people like him. And I would like to remind you that the human nature is for living in sociable way to deal and react with that.

How can that interaction be in right meaning?

Keeping the hope:

    As we said before; the hope is very important factor to continue on the road, and without it; the people have no will to realize something they wish in life, they even lose the wish to do. But when your milieu brings to you the hope in somehow, and people around you are supporting you, trying to motivate you in several ways, show you some light in the murk of hopelessness. Show you their standing by your side, in that situation you may feel some hope and your mind lighted again by a new mental charge – like a device that turn on when it’s connected  to electricity-, all that to not surrender and retake the will to do what’s important for you.

More of patience:

    When you recover your hope, you’ll have the necessary energy to restart in right way. You’ll think how can you make yourself better and then your life in the good sense, when you recover your taste to life again you start looking for a way how to handle that, Even if these people they don’t know all details and the real circumstances around and pressures within; but when you feel their support, you’ll be shy if you disappoint their belief in you. But it’s not enough; you need the patience to not rush on results and keep doing your efforts to overcome the hardness of your bad times.

Strength and understanding through contact:

    When you need someone to talk to; you’ll be lucky if you find that person. Because people rarely when they think to give some of their time to others, whereas they should do that many times (I talked about that when I said that the happiness comes by giving more than by taking in life, so like you get try to give them also when it's possible). The discussion is the way to clarifying any confusion comes in minds, and rectify the thoughts.

    So it’s very important to the person to get that from his environment because he feels himself a factor in it, and a valuable element also, not just a rigid piece, and the close people are committed to do that.

Aspiration:

    Clearly to have the hope and the necessary strength to fulfil something fruitful in your life, it’s preferable to be in touch with very positive people who can motivate you and affect on you through their positive aura, positive charge, energies, and motivating sensitive words, to inspire from their process in life, in how they behave and dealing with challenges, and their effective doings towards realizing their goals. In result, you’ll reload your battery again, you’ll be positive too and very ambitious to get what you’re looking for, then your feelings will be always pushing you towards this required target (which increase your hope too) and you’ll achieve it while you’re still ambitious and in this stimulating environment.

    Mainly those are very important to have but moreover; people want to have trust and confidence, joy, sympathizing with them in life to not feel isolated and their presence in the mankind‘s life and not just a piece in one corner - to avoiding more diseases those coming from the lack of social dealings in life like the autism -.

    People are committed to contacting each other in our world because of the nature of life’s rules and be acquainted for exchanging thoughts and ideas, taking part of knowledge and sciences, sharing feelings and emotions and values too, contributing in the general and personal development alike, even the bad experiences will be a kind of sedateness and like a guide to you for what’s next in life, all those by being in contact righty with each other which broaden the horizons, and let the minds more opened.

The loneliness is a personal advantage or a social disease

   When the life is going for nothing useful, the person feels himself in empty circle, especially when this feeling is mixed with impression of no goal to like for and no need to be exist in this world. Those feelings lead to a sadness and make this person disappointed from the entirely life.

   People in those situations prefer to stay alone for a while, although the world became like a small city and all this big jam of social communication in different ways and means, but many people stay feeling by the loneliness in life because of no true people in fact beside, nobody cares. This feeling increases when you really don’t find anyone beside in times when you need to have someonein time when the family ties are broken more and more.

   The society looks coherent but if you check inside (nearly) you find out that many people are separated and living separately in their thoughts, their feelings, their goals ( regardless to living near of far from people). Everyone sings a different musical piece without harmony between them, this is the fact in our societies.

   And the loneliness becomes a kind of lifestyle for many people, because they don’t interact enough with others, sometimes it’s depending to personal convictions that everyone can live by himself and only. And for some reasons they don’t trust people, so they prefer the loneliness as an inevitable choice, their eyes start see the darkness without any bright face to the world.

   But the human life is based on social interactions and deal with people, so we can’t continue a normal and ordinary life if we choose to go mentally far from the society and stay alone when we’re obliged to remain within it.

   That’s why some people look for companionship through new technologies when they failed to find suitable mates that in daily life, not just to enjoy their time, have fun or make friends, but because they suffer from loneliness in real life whereas they’re surrounded by a lot of people and everything important for living.

    If we see the matter generally we find: when the people get encouragement, they work seriously to achieve what they’re working for. Whereas they give up when they don't get attention or enough care…etc. and that’s what happens in fact.

    We learn the success from successful experiences and people in the world when you spend your life with others, you’ll find the solidarity spirit, giving help, the morally and physically support, standing by side of each other…etc, you'll be ready to provide help in the same way that you wish to get when you need it.

   But I can say that those qualities disappeared today (in different degrees from place to another) unfortunately because of majority are looking only for themselves regardless to world around.

One from systems of fighting the infringement on rights

    There are many different ways to insure some social rights for people in the economic side, and to make the equality more efficiency between them in distribution & redistribution of wealth in way that all people of nation feel by equality and justice. I don’t mean to distribute and give to anybody a certain amount of money “NO”, but according to specified rules and for people who really deserve we can guarantee a certain positive results after a while. We always need to discover the world and learn from experiences of different nations – useful experiences – to choose the best for applying them in life as models, today I want to talk about one mechanism in the same context (redistribution of wealth) and share you the information which i know about, it isn’t just a theory but it’s existing in fact.

    “AZ-ZAKAH” it’s the first organized system in history devoted to realise this purpose, it is not just a way to make charity, but it’s an obligation on rich people to give (to acquit) 0.4% (in every year) for the poor.  This system is defined by 3 verses are revealed on Mohammed: the 1^st imposes on the government to take this ratio through an administrative organization (it looks like taxes in first time). In this fact; the rich people believe absolutely that they apply their faith well when undertaking that (dogmatic obligation), and that’s useful for their moral, for their psyches, their feeling and mood as well. Because they obey a religious order and they know properly where their money will go in the end.

    The 2^nd verse assigns precisely the kind of people in society who deserve really a proportion of this wealth (they’re mentioned in 8 different kinds from people). The 3^rd verse show us a moral (ethical) value between people that they don’t ask anyone for money in order to satisfy their needs, and they should be satisfied by the disposable resources the most possible of time.

    The purpose from this system is to guarantee social and economic rights respecting the various segments of society. Furthermore; the people who get this income -in respectful way- they don’t feel anything bad like deprivation or shortcoming. All this harmony inside the society is coming from the interference of faith in the conduct of state. Because of the ethical values derived from belief and everyone can feel the worth of his existence with no marginalization, then a lot of social diseases will disappear from the social life because of the satisfaction feeling (we find a social equilibration). This is not everything; other procedures also are applied in order to organizing more and cover every form of instability (like: preventing the usury and resisting against the monopoly, and decreasing the inflation).

    Of course we can’t please all people 100%, but you can teach them how to be pleasant and satisfied in their lives and this mechanism can play an important role instead of actual tax measures and it results will be more practical and efficacy than now. In the ruling of Omar ibn Abdul-Aziz; the nation reached a perfect application for these rules into society on a very big area in that age, but sadly these amazing solutions aren’t applied in their home countries today because all legislations and laws are inherited from the colonial institutions of the 20th century.

    I’m sure that there are many creative solutions in our world, to save resources, time, and more positive effects, besides to avoid complexities, and only we don’t know or never heard about them until now, but they deserve to consider them, get lessons and look toward the best world.

Our relationships .. With our family members.

     The family; we can’t preferring anything else instead of them, they’re always in the first place and we feel more safety when we see them around. In some cases the relationship with one member among them or maybe more, - this relationship- suffers from some troubles, and unfortunately for years also it’s broken between the brothers and sisters.

     That’s our topic today, we’ll define the nature of these relationships, and moreover we’ll find a way to treat them in the goodness.

     I met many people and friends too who told me that they’ve problems in their families; they see that’s impossible to handle them, because the reactions were worse too. Problems with uncles and aunts, even with brothers and sisters “it’s so awful really.”

    We start with some questions: when it was the last time where you sit with your parents and you talked to them for while in different topics? Or may I ask about the last call between you and them?!!! Many people wished to have a sister and you can’t see how much you’re lucky to have this sister? Regardless if she’s sometimes stubborn, but she’s your sister; right? I think it’s a much luck and it’s very good feature to have her (or his). I heard about many people who wish to have a sister or brother, they wish to meet their parents once, but they can’t because the dead can’t return to life again.

    In family; you all like each other so much; you’ll have these conflicts sometimes and because of this strong reliance and love between you; you always return to each other and continue again like nothing happened before, because the love overcomes the anger and the forgiveness wins finally

    I expect this end for some reasons, if your brother or sister is “Soft-headed”, I don’t think that you’re also the same, else you’ll react badly too. If you’re still reading now so I guess you want to find a solution for this kind of situations.

    The life is so short, and remember always that you’ll regret the days where you’re far from the family, I don’t mean by “far” in the physical distance, but the distance between hearts. Even they behave wrong with you, you shouldn’t react wrong, or you confront them with their bad deeds, and you should correct that and keep this warm relation to continue more. They’re humans and they can do mistakes, else why I’m his brother (her sister) if I can’t forgive him (her)? That’s why we’re a family.

    We all need a second chance and be optimist to get great relationships, because the only “thing to correct the mistakes of others is: to do the right thing in return when you react. “The forgiveness (the tolerance) is the first step to reach the happiness.” Later I’ll talk more about the family ties, like a symbol of humanity and model of human life. We’ll be glad if you share us your opinions and comments.