The confusion between the popular fact, and the preferable choice (2/2)

         To continue in the same last topic, which shows many sides of both choices that people applies in life nowadays, I’ll try to show more opinions about it and make you all think with me while reading there.

It’s right that even with marriage; the life’s complications can lead to a bad end and get divorced, so may someone says that it doesn't matter if people are married or not. but the divorce is a resort we need to use just when life becomes impossible for two people to remain together. It's a logical solution to fix it, and also exceptional because that doesn't happen always, but breaking up is easier than divorce. don't you all think so?

Because breaking up can be a one side decision and sudden, and can happen in one glance, just like that. Whereas the other partner can't do anything to keep things better except to accept by force the consequences. That’s of course if we keep aside the person’s personality, because some people aren’t good at all in any way, and that’s because they don’t want to be good and they even have not intention for, or just they don’t feel the need to be so. And whether in marriage or in relationship, they just can’t function properly.

         Whereas divorce takes many procedures and agreement of two people too, also it takes time to end up. And because of that people may think to solve their problems more than to think about divorce, they act more logically than anything else. Whereas in a relationship it's easy for someone to escaping any time.

All that disagreement with marriage comes from the feelings of insecurity, that’s why many avoid getting married and prefer sharing life with someone without any official commitment. Every side is afraid to be deceived, and getting married is like a big risk for them. In this case, since they can’t trust each other so far, so why do they start their relationship? Furthermore; the argument of being more free out of marriage, is somehow a way to express the disappearance in any moment as a very possible choice, sooner or later, isn’t it? I mean once the person feels that s/he must be responsible on something, then s/he will find it easy to escape from that and just disappear like s/he has never been there before.

Keeping a family is better than breaking up or making one parent families, studies all confirm that the best for a child is to live between two parents instead one parent. And better to live in family than in an orphanage, Better for psychological reasons, social skills, better for communication skills, and for stability in personality...etc

It’s not bad at all to take from new things and benefit from their advantages, but it’s bad to reject all from everything only because it’s a part of a social heritage which maybe refers to mean an old thing. We don't neglect love and romance, but also we can't rely only on that for facing the hardships of life.

The confusion between the popular fact, and the preferable choice (1/2)

I’ve lately discussed this topic with some friends, why the marriage should be a recommended choice for partners’ life instead of any other choice? And I can start from that as a question for article. I’ve discussed this matter before, and somehow; their reading was the reason of our discussion, my friends and I. And in addition to what I’ve said before (you can check and read if you didn’t do so), I promised them to write more about, so I want to bring here some facts to enlighten this topic more, maybe I succeed to answer this question here or at least clarify more of its aspects.

We sometimes follow the seductive rhythm around us whatever it is instead of following our personal preferences. And that’s a very serious and large topic we maybe discuss another time, but that can affect very much on our choices and our lives aswell.

Yes i know that guys avoid marriage because of its responsibilities, and that girls don't prefer marriage, because they may want for a reason or another to make marriage as a big event. Of course it’s a big event in life of couple, but they unintentionally mean to make that appear to all others, it’s like making it a big event for everybody around and they should feel it that way like them, or big for the whole city, or even for the whole country (if they can so); otherwise better not to get married.

We don’t need to complicate things, or to be connected to the materialist stuff because they’re just like accessories. Since the marriage is an official step of commitment between two people; so if someone is a loving person to the second, and really want to spend life with; then s/he doesn't mind the step to making the relationship official. Isn't it? Because they argue that step is not necessary and meaningless, so it won’t make difference if they do it also, yeah! Or maybe they don’t have enough trust to each other? That’s a big problem really.

           Also marriage is better because it guarantees the rights of both, rights in front of law and brings advantages too in comparing to the second choice. Besides that; the marriage prevents the person from looking far, away from his/her family zone. In other words; someone in relationship means s/he is still looking for better one meanwhile s/he with someone and confessing about the love maybe every day, but in reality that person not enough yet. Moreover; marriage makes the relationship stronger and the desires of breaking up will decrease since each one remembers that they're married and not just in relationship that can end simply anytime, so there will be a lot to do before being officially separated. It’s a stimulant reason to think well before acting and not to behaving insanely towards the situation.     …To be continued!

The need for common measurement to our morals (P1/4)

I've said before about the troubles that can be due the differences in interpreting the facts and reactions towards, when people confuse the terms and they differently determine them which can lead to contradictions.

I give another picture for that, the Bosnian schools for example, and even in same city, they have different lessons for history subject, because the different perspectives towards the last war they've had, and each community teaches the subject in starting from its personal view and not necessary to telling the truth most of times. Such situation can show the gap that exists into the depths of the same society to be fragile, moreover the troubles that can happen because of that (like the national pride or national spirit as one of common issues which isn’t in fact and that may destabilize the country). because each side reads the events in a way different than the other side, different reasons, different excuses and different consequences, we reach - at the end - different measurements while everyone has his own system to evaluate facts and situations, because they started from different platforms to treating the issue, those different measurements don't bring harmony, neither to stabilize enough the social life of people although the same circumstances they share.

I stopped last time with a question, which measurement should we rely on to define properly the platform (for all people who share same situation) with clear principles and based on morals we've to share?

When everybody is living life according his personal principles, and each one is looking after his happiness ad success through certain perspective -based on some interests- which can be completely in the opposite of someone else. And what someone sees as a good thing and fulfilling the happiness, someone else may see it horrible and kind of corruption. Such difference is what breaks the harmony of being in social life and prevent the civilized progress.

If we look after the morals and their beginnings, people appreciate generally certain values but they can be different sometimes until being in contradictions while someone appreciate something whereas the other appreciates absolutely the opposite in fact. we find out that one of the reasons and the explanations of beginning; it was to guarantee the social interest to living into a group of people (society) through certain rules and without neglecting the individual. Because if every individual started looking after his personal satisfactions, and to getting his own benefits; then it'll be hard to establish a society, because there is be transgression on others and their rights aswell.

For this fact; it was necessary that everyone must renounce some of their demands and requirements willingly to guarantee the safety (from any transgression) and the freedom (to dreaming and looking after goals), that kind of balancing between issues can lead to the peace between people of the same environment.

That renouncing can be in many different ways, or all together, such as discussions, learning about, experiences and measuring the consequences from. The next question is: on which bases we can be sure that the renouncing is fair and just for us as same as it's for the others? And how do we realize and guarantee that others also are ready to offer that renouncing?

The relationships in our world today (Part 1)

     In my opinion ; I see about the relationships without passing through marriage, has many disadvantages really, one girl told me that old people for example in her country (from previous generation) see that is not good to be in full relationships before marriage or being engaged at least, and many are thinking same so in different countries more or less.

     And what changed now in societies, i don't mean a country in particular, but that's in everywhere now, because it’s the new and modern culture through "the globalization". the new generations are obsessed to the freedom in way they claim to fake freedom (if we think deeply about that, it'll be more painful than they imagine, why? because now they prefer to be free from any obligation or any value came from the past, to guarantee their absolute freedom, which became the only value to look for as a reference and to care about, whereas that's not true always and doesn’t work in all cases of course,

     The humanity's traditions and customs say along the ages and centuries that the marriage is the act between two people to make a family, (although those conceptions are redefined, and have got many updates), but let's start from a question I’ve heard :

     "How can someone meet a girl? i mean to find out about her personality, character,beauty, hobbies etc. unless be with her for a while, then to know if she matches with you properly?"

      In the context; I’ll bring the real definitions that must do exist into any society, the marriage that i meant (as it was always in past), it's not to prevent meeting between the two concerned ones in the issue, of course marriage won't be a blind act without knowing each other, right. but the fact to preceed the marriage (official act) by a relationship (for fulfilling the desires) is the reason that causes many problems and break hearts to have failed and sad endings.

     A few decades ago; relationships were more successful than in the today life, with their previous definition, and the problem is in the changes that happened in societies, which means the changes in people's mindsets, concepts, social relations and social values aswell. when two people are in relationship and spending alot of time together and do everything possible to do, together, talk so much, and appearantly the feelings are growing up but not in the proper way that they should be in order to lead to a successful ending.

     And for a while, they're learning about each other (this is the main reason that people rely on, just to convince themselves they're right, and no way except that one). for example now friends know a lot about each other, they know about hobbies, mindsets, characters, behaviors, thoughts, what each other like or dislike, their interests, and tendencies,....etc, they know a lot about each other really, but does that mean they're in relationships ? of course not,

     Moreover; why do we love some people without any condition to that love? (like family; with parents or siblings). Simply because they make a part of us, whatever happens they’ll stay in same position from us, and generally have same attitude from us towards them. The same when it’s a husband/wife and father/mother or parent/children. And the last thing they should think about is the divorce, not because it’s difficult to doing, but because it's not preferable as a choice.

     When two people take the long time together without any official link in between (justifying the reason to knowing more about each other and if they can bear each other or not...etc), in this way; their feelings will be drained completely to the bottom. whereas they think the feelings is growing up, but that's not true in the fact. when they enjoyed each other enough and shared almost everything, and each one pleased the second enough, then of course there will be some boredom between, and one day (sooner or later), one of the two people (or both) will have a sudden change and find no more benefits from the second one. because the life's interests are changing constantly, and that staying along the time ends up to someone with no more interest in him/her, and like that; the breaking up comes for any casual reason maybe, because this one (or maybe both) already feel satisfied from each other, and everything is already done. so why they need to continue in this case?

     Surely the human self (in this case) will look for new passion  and something else, and to look for being out of that routine; to have more satisfaction for desires, or just more adventures, since there is no steady link to preserve their being together. and that style; broke the hearts of many people unfortunately, because no guarantees for their social, neither psychological  nor emotional rights. that's what the modern life gave us from redefining many concepts like about social life here. Shouldn’t we think again about those concepts and how do they affect on our lives?

The marriage as an institution

     Many people aren't interested in committed relationship beneath the marriage institution, they prefer more freedom without marriage, or sometimes for fewer responsibilities avoiding any urgent way they may have. and many who’re against the marriage, for silly reasons, like to marry just to fix problems (or let’s say fixing their mistakes), If there are children. And I found that -according to their constitutions, Unfortunately-the law causes most of changes in people’s interests, so instead paying a lot for marriage’s stuff, they prefer to live together instead (regardless to all the advantages of marriage like the incomes of family and health care better). 

      Or maybe fears from cheating of the second person, even living together for years can’t guarantee the enough trust between. So the fears from divorce in future (in case of marriage)remain constantly, then they can’t change certain notes on their documents forever, because it’s not a relaxing fact to taking the name of the man even after the separation; which means certain dependence and kind of reminder in case if things didn’t go properly in their past. Also there are who prefer that as a choice to get more benefits, like being able to win scholarships for their studies, that as married can’t get them. And I found that the majority of people prefer such choice to be into a “free & sperated relationship” (if I can say so), since in any moment it ends and can happen that we can say there was no relationship at all, and then nothing remain anymore, especially like those who aren’t religious people, free of every controller of belief I mean, like those whom the religion doesn’t make a part of their lives at all.

      But in fact we can't find better than the marriage to guarantee the rights of two people, (within certain rules of course , not necessarily as the laws say nowadays), especially the social and psychological rights for the two people alike. And not easy for any side to just leave his/her duties when the mood and desire says so; and the situation when there are children between, they shouldn’t be a tool to fix the problem or mistakes of someone are counted from adults, that’s even a wrong view when they think about child as a mistake they did unfortunately, unjust to define that as a mistake.

      Moreover; the studies confirm that the marriage can help one or two people to be committed in certain healthy relationship due the psychological security that can bring to them, and even to avoid certain bad behaviors that can trouble the health of person (like some diseases) or the health of relationship (like drugs or drinking), these advantages are only because the huge affection and influence that the continuous presence of the second partner can provide - at least psychologically -, in comparing with the unmarried people while in one glance can disappear – and with obscurity why exactly -.

we can see that (such reasons like : to take another surname and be related to it, ...etc), and all those changes in lifestyle were mainly coming from decision makers, or the parliaments before decades, who defined the societies in way to commanding in people's thinking way in somehow, then that caused the changes into people's priorities, and their attitudes in life aswell, right?

      Then we assume if you [woman]can keep your surname, and you can keep your rights that the man can't leave just because he wants to do, in other words, he can't get rid of his responsibilities, so would that be better for the woman?  i meant also; when it happens and you divorce, you simply recover your surname again and only, can that reform the attitude to avoiding of this choice -marriage- from her?

      Those fears from cheating are in two directions between them, and the instability due the missing of guarantees and commitment, are not disadvantages of marriage, but the problem can be in morals of one or the two people, and their social values. Because marriage in fact; must refrain that instability and then to bring enough guarantees and relief for both to stabilize their relationship.

The importance of the belief (part 03)

    Let’s continue from where we stopped before, and to mention some points here. The fearing of god → means that this person is thinking in sequences before doing everything, and not only –as everybody can do that too-, but s/he remembers that he’s having limits that s/he shouldn’t exceed them, and even when it’s possible to do and nobody can notice that but it’s invalid to doing that, then preferably to avoid as a choice and with a conviction→ which means also the self-control even when nobody else can notice that, and no collapse in behaviors or in values, from here the humanity got its moral culture, and in this context; people do a lot of thing in good sense in their around, without waiting anything in return from others, then they’re applying certain of real noble principles towards the world and humanity → and during that, s/he will be doing his/her obligation (with conviction of course) towards everyone (everything) around as much as possible for the god’s sake, and fearing god of hurting them too in every treatment or dealing with, that can look meaningless for those who didn’t experiment that really, because the god’s satisfaction is what s/he is looking for -in first place- and always there is a reason to stop them even if they get a bad intention in something.

    And when the goal is common between all people (and prior than the private interests and only), then it’ll be fair for all to agree with that rule, which shows the justice in front of all people alike, right. Because it’s so impossible to have a contradiction in purposes here between the god's satisfaction and people's agreement in such situation while all rules are applied on all at the same time and way.

    That’s above when we talk about the influence of religion on people’s transactions and dealings, and when we talk about the spiritual impact, we’ll see something else, may people today accuse the religious as weak people and they don’t trust themselves enough to face the life, in other words they claim the perfection and no need to any religion to live a proper life whereas they’re worshiping different idols when they don’t know, but the human nature requires to fill the spiritual side and complete that need inside, so historically many people left the religion when they don’t find their peace inside, but not only, they didn’t just accuse the way they were on, but generally the term of religion became inexistent for them completely, just from the only one experience they had, and that’s why they rejected all.

    Scientist and Philosophers confirm the belief as a part of every single soul, even those who make the mind just the only way to ruling the life instead of any other religion (which is useless), and to ruling the life by mind, it’s necessary to belief in the power of their minds and that are able to do everything, so without that certitude in their power and their authenticity, they can’t rely so much on their mind, and that means the belief. Religion was like a shadow of the humanity since the first age in obvious way that nobody can deny it.

    But Then they couldn’t continue in this way, because the spiritual side is empty and they’ve to cover it, not because the creator needs the obedience of human to him, but because the inner need of human to his creator to filling the spiritual emptiness, therefore a lot of people were( /are still ) looking for that mean to filling the shortage in the Far East (especially in the philosophical currents of Hinduism and Buddhism) or and learn that by their money instead of following the steps of their spiritual physicians sent by the god (like one scholar has said). As examples, people are learning yoga, or tai-chi, although we can’t deny their advantages on body and mind, like some other sports too, but not enough to cover all the spiritual needs in the modern life even if they calm down a bit that need, but can’t resist longer nor getting nirvana with life’s hardships.

    Furthermore, nowadays the social and economic pressures on every person are more than they were in decades before, because the world’s situation troubled in different sides, and so the feelings of fear increase too into everyone, that what explain (according studies) the inclination to astrology just to hearing what they want to hear and calming down their fears from totally the unclear future.

    People without a metaphysical stability are facing a lot of changes in the physical world, and they get many colors of distraction in life to have that chaos and wonder always, that lead many times to waves of depression, wondering, suicide ….etc. This last has high rates among the no-religious societies, and that reveals on the loss of the goal into their hearts, why do we live? And for which purpose are we living a period of certain years then leave this world? The true meaning from life totally is into the answer. Can the mind works with religion together to give a convenient answer?

The importance of the belief (part 02)

    In fact, everybody has his own religion, I mean even if it’s not from the structured ones, so s/he’s following his desires and freaks, his interests, lusts ….etc, and once I read about someone who said: “the music is my religion”.

    I think that religion leaves different imprints in every heart of believer. Our faith is subjective... we all feel God in different ways and understand His words in different ways. But fundamental principles are the same when the hearts are pure and intentions are innocent and clear.

    That refers to one thought: the religions are coming all from one source who is the god, and if there were more than one god, then we'll find huge differences in the essences between. Otherwise each god will leave away from others with his own rules, his creations, and his creatures, and then his own world.

    How person can realize the importance by religion in our lives? I think God shows that only. God opens eyes and hearts for the truth:

     Every person has to discover an importance of religion by himself ... faith is very personal and intimate thing. Whatever I talk about importance about religion and its advantages for hours but if in the same time his heart is not opened to God and his mind is not capable to understand information, I can say my talk is useless.

    "Our minds are created enough to realizing that we're in need to religion because the imperfect nature of the human’s perception. Therefore the god's wisdom and his absolute care about mankind brought the need to cover the shortage into minds by instructions from the above from the god, and then to guarantor the safety from every evils (Instructions that we can ingest them practically). Therefore we can't judge something (and i mean by something: the religion here) over our minds' power & ability, and then we say that we don't need it at all in the life, only because we didn't realize in fact its importance yet (the importance of that thing). If i don't feel cold, don't mean it's warm around, right and if i don't know something and its value. It never means that it's doesn't existing nor valueless."

     We can have hundreds of ways to realize this truth –truth of being in need to faith-, but to be convinced we take a certain time to think deeply about. The opening of heart of someone is by the god's will, but if we just say that, so we're telling in somehow that "the god is unjust" and that's wrong thought an wrong saying in his almighty right. So we'll add the following: of course the god commands in people's hearts, and nothing can happen without his will, but what makes the difference between people to be lighted by the god's guidance or not? If the person hasn't any good indicator for kindness or he's fanatic to his thoughts whatever the portion of these thoughts' truth; so surely this person won't be lighted and he will be prevented from the god's mercy where he's not merciful with his around from first.

     We can’t measure that with someone’s properties, or the luck –apparently- in the people’s life, the true essence appears mostly in crises that face the person. If you want get the god’s mercy, you must be merciful to people, and to want the god’s help, then be helpful for people too, and so on.

The importance of the belief (part 01)

    I was talking with a friend when she told me that she wishes:” I just want to be with a man of a strong faith.”  Then she continued that: “Nowadays I see a lot of couples living in civil marriage not being officially married. It’s so sad: (To spend a long time with a person and when you get tired of him just break up ... And yes, I do know what happened to modern guys here, all are scared about marriage: (So that’s why I said that I’m looking for a person with faith, because religion gives us instruction about marriage and we should follow that to be better.) and I’ve heard about many women too who wished to have a man fearing god. I wondered about that request and I wanted if I can to figure out its reasons from depths.

   Of course that’s a pity when the commitment between two people is interpreted just in this superficial way, I mean, it's a big badness when we just keep close contact to someone in a strong relationship then we leave simply when we want, it means we just follow our fancy, so the leaving isn't appropriate logically because that cause a mess in society and families also in their families ties, the mess not only society but even in our minds… and that builds irresponsible person who doesn't undergo to any commitment in life about others (except his interests and benefits in life), and even if that’s temporary or in period to certain time, but the difference is not committed relation. So if we use the religious logic, we can say it's very big sin to use others for the personal fun and temporary freak. Unfortunately that’s the general majoring fact in the world and the lifestyle in modern and fast-paced life which it became a way to spread even recently in everywhere around the world.

    "The best in my opinion is the one who can understand what religion means –truely-," like my friend continued. because today most of people think that religion is useless thing in life and not time to think about, or it causes problems for the human-being so better to get rid of it. To escape they choose different ways in life -without knowing also another face for an idol -. This logic of thinking upsets many people today really, even that, but they still living the hardships and adversities, because of missing the meaning of life generally and - the essence from- why we live.

    I agreed with my friend in point that she prefers a partner with faith, rarely to find someone who's serious with the matter of religion and who considers it as a part of life. Therefore that person can give some security to his/her partner and make a safe relationship, I’ve heard and read many women who pray for having men fearing god, while I expect the same -or a bit less- from kind men in return, only because s/he evaluates the life more than it's abstract appearance, and s/he looks for more dimensions around instead shortening that into one meaningless short life, it’s not to dealing with a trade partner, also not to thinking him/herself the axis that must be pleased (whatever others are in), while everybody around must obey his/her desires.

   It's a wrong thinking that, and a kind of selfishness, do you agree with me? Don’t you think so? Because if everybody does the same; then the jungle will be more merciful than the mankind’s life. Of course many people will disagree with that, and it’s just an opportunity to think about it again!!

   In brief the relationship between two people is just an example, but we can spread that on all topics of dealing in life, the religion guarantees the sense of responsibility in the person about his environment (whether people around or something else), his care about it and not looking just to himself and desires. Religion can control the person and help him to keep control and rectify his steps even when the chosen way is the hardest but it's the safest, the most correct one and the most servable.

   Like someone was looking to the world around in 2D, it was really great view, then he opened the second eye and the view becomes in 3D which became greater. Because the religion brings an additional dimension to every behavior and let some depths in its traces. And I’ll try to explain more in next article.

The advantages of travelling across the world

   I continue in the idea that says: “Not everything you think it’s good for you; it’s truly the good one.”

   The traveling is something exhausting for everyone although today it’s easier -and a lot- than it was in the past. I won’t talk about touristic traveling here, but I mean when the traveling is a necessary and obligatory in somehow -maybe from a city to another, or even to go to a different country-.

   Usually in those situations; people taste the batter of hard moment to be obliged to do that. That’s one among events which seem bad in first glance, right!! But the history told us many similar experiences and just different in details. The idea is when you feel yourself obliged to leave your current environment for certain reasons, means that you couldn’t get there (in where you’re now) what you look for, and that becomes helpless to you. It’s hard to quit your comfort zone (as many psychologists call that), whereas it doesn’t mean always to be bad as people think (or as imagine), and one scholar and poet said (before centuries)

   For reaching your goals and satisfying your vim; Immigrate in different countries, because you’ll get five benefits from traveling:

The translation is :

 * Immigrate in the homelands to appealing the summits in life, because in traveling there are five (05) benefits:

1- relief of your worries, 2- acquisition of livelihoods, 3- a science and literatures, 4- decency, and 5- a precious companionship whom you really can coexist with them (he meant : the travel shows you the right person who deserves to be your companion).

* And if they tell that in traveling there is humbleness, or an ordeal, and crossing deserts with difficulties of meeting [with family and relatives, which isn’t as hard as in past]; so the death is better for the person instead of sitting at home for deterioration, and suffering from the slander, the censure, or the envy.

   That’s what the poet said from his knowledge and experiences, and to motivate people to traveling without any fears from it, because to be in different place surrounded by different people, all those sides can show the person more opportunities in the new different environment, because s/he can see their life from new perspectives, as the poet said and it can be the opening of your future and the good life in few months of years later. Moreover the advantages and bounties we mentioned above here.

    Many people exploded their powers and reached their horizons just when they travelled and lived in far place different to their hometown city -or country-, because they met with new chances, and their different looking way to the life, then they can see the opportunities which they can work on (whether in studies, or professional career, or any interest in social life of people). They quickly adapt with the environment and naturally they get the inner motivation because it’s a new experience and there is an enthusiasm inside to do more in it, and usually they achieve their goals with some persistence, also they got more skills and experiences in life.

    If you keep your optimist mood and patience, then don’t regret nor doubt from your previous steps, to be sure and confident and strong enough (not to be confused from). To trust them (those experiences) for making new steps forward and while the goal is to improving yourself always; then you’ve to accept starting modestly and convinced.

    And I finish with this adage of one wise man when he said: “I don’t care in the way how I’ll become [in each morning] good or bad, because I don’t know truly where the goodness for me is: in what I like or what I dislike.”

Part 03: differences equity & equality

   To continue the ordinary process of life ; people in life clash with many difficulties during the daily routine.

   I always simulate the destiny in life to the tree, the starting of life begins from the root and what they can offer to you as traits circumstances and characteristics and when the person starts really the life and each decision makes a real difference. It means you’re in way crossing so you’ll take one of mains branches on the tree (your tree), then the actual conditions in that will lead you again and again to more branches along your life.

   Generally the tree’s branches display how many possible way were in your life since the birthday, but your decisions and your starting too were the guide all the time towards the situation that you’re right now.

    I give you here another example, the god’s wisdom and ability are occurring in the nature and it’s almost talking in this following way:  excuse me Madame! This is not your way, you can’t pass from it, but you should pass from the easiest one in the other side there, this is just according to the men’s abilities that can resist here. And the same words are for men in other sides of life, also depending to the kind of their abilities and I want to say that the equity never refers the passing from the same way, else it’ll be equality and that’s unjust for some people in many times alike.

    We need to understand that in our minds and to realize well that’s not necessary to be with others in the same way, to be sure you’re the same like them. That leads us to another rules we should learn in this life; don’t unleash absolutely your freedom, until you hurt yourself, people or environment around you! while you aren't aware about that.

    Those ways in everybody’s life are representing his destiny, and like that the destiny offers sometimes the good ways we should benefit from. But we often see the good things -for us- just when they’re according to our desires, although it’s not true always. We can see that in many events happen in our lives, people interpret it like a nature power, but they agree it’s an extraordinary thing above the human. Of course it the life’s nature; coming from the absolute ability of its creator.

Differences: between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness). (part 2/2)

    In this second part, I’ll continue displaying the view on the topic, by more explanations and arguments, because the matter needs a lot of concentration to understand and we’ll continue from the idea which says that the equity means to distribute the rights and responsibilities according to every single situation, and of course we’ll find many similarities and in the end we’ll have some patterns which control this mechanism.

    And here is another example, you can’t give two people in your family the same responsibilities without considering the age, the sex, the consciousness, the ability and efficiency, and the knowledge of each one, also you can’t give all them the same advantages for the previous factors too.

    I continue in the same sample, in the family, all children have the same rights and treatment theoretically from their parents, and I mean the basic thing like : Eating, drinking, outfits, education and learning, …etc. but when someone is sick, he must get a special treatment and care more than others else it’s not fair enough. So when people have the same criteria, they get the same dealing and that’s the equality between them. But once someone is featured by an additional criteria, of course he must get an additional treatment – more or less - according to the case, a treatment that differs to others whether more or less, reward or punishment, better or worse,…etc.

    So practically the life absolutely managed in a way that the equity is the principle whatever the situation is, or the treatment we do towards others, maybe you can realize that when you see yourself behaving differently from a person to another, right! Logically because you don’t make them in the same position according to: the age, kinship ties, gender, nationality, religion, or just the kindness of personality (when someone is kind, or rude, educated or ignorant, easy-going, flexible or fanatic,..etc.)

    There is another suspicion, it’s about the equality between man and woman, this idea brings many of troubles in the human life, simply because it’s not fair enough in their rights (whether man or woman), because in some situations we’ll be unjust to put on woman responsibilities greater than the strength that she can (or she has) to bear (in comparing with the man) and the same for the man too. So we’ve to respect and to take account of those characteristics and traits in each one in order to instruct the convenient tasks and requirements in life, and in that way we shouldn’t admit the equality between man and woman, but there must be equity between them, because in some situations it’s needed to prioritize the woman by more advantages than the man, and some other situations; it’s the opposite. In other words; that everyone has his own rights and responsibilities dependant (and not obligatory the same at once) but complementary to the second in the life overall.

    It was a big lie in our world that we appeal to equality and convince ourselves whereas the matter will be more unjust if we apply that in every part of life in fact. Rarely to find exactly the same situation that requires one equal treatment whether between people or societies when you can match between, and there will be a similarity between them only in that situation, once a new condition comes across; you’ll be obliged to change from your attitude against and then your treatment (not the same with others like before) and that’s depending to every detail in your life.

Differences: between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness). (part1/2)

    I don’t want to stop talking in this topic without passing from the matter of equality, and in this article; the difference will be between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness) that’s one of the issue that people very much confuse, not only some people, but I think it’s a polemic that makes a problem in the entire world.

    I bring an example here, and I enter to the matter from an economic side; the procedure that guarantees the governmental support for people on basic products those they need (or subsidy in prices of basic things as food, milk, water..etc), it’s a way to support those people about what they need in daily life. It was –this procedure- in order to make equality between all people in their rights and social life, but in fact that was only an advantage for whose have a comfort income, where they get a lot of benefits from it and from many procedures like this one.

    Whereas the targeted category in society doesn’t get any benefits at all, because of the low incomes they can’t obtain the true reason from the procedure, and it doesn't bring any change in fact. So the opportunity isn’t disposable for everyone like it seems in the beginning and it’s preferable that the support goes directly to the hands of targeted people among others (after defining them well) because of their needs and not for everyone alike.

   This last isn’t equality of course (because we prioritized a part of people more than others for certain reasons), but it’s an equity in the society to make the balance and nobody can make an excuse – for himself - to object that. That’s from an economic side, and we can make a comparison to all different sides of life.

    So the main idea that we get is: the essence of equality is looking to the general apparition from the procedures, but the essence of equity is looking to the purposes – after/ later - from those procedures in life.

   The second idea is: the necessary that they should do is to providing the proper environment – for everyone - to get his opportunity or possessing something (or achieve something), then people decide to work seriously on this way – to get that opportunity and apply in reality - or to waste their chances if they’re not serious enough or if they’ve different interests. And thirdly; the nomination of equality is prevailed in life on the basic term which is the equity,

   The equity is to give everyone his deserved rights, and those rights are different from a person to another according to the circumstances and situation of everyone, it means sometimes the equality can be no equity in some applications, and the two terms be in opposition in that case. We need to take all sides in consideration to guarantee the equity as a value in the society agreeing with the human nature to create a good environment for the continuance of life.

Differences : between “education” & “care”.

    We can’t deny the effect of our understanding to the matter on the way how we react and teat after, therefore we should always think carefully before doing any step in way to reacting. Today we continue in the same context with the previous article and highlighting some terms be displaying the differences between.

    And I continue today with this couple of words “education” & “care”. It’s very important matter in our life whether in level of family or society in general. A lot of people know really that there’s a difference between the two words, but in fact they can’t apply that true meaning of each one. In other words; people confuse between them practically and not idiomatically. I mean when they think themselves doing the act of education (educating their children for example); in fact they’re just doing enough care about them, and nothing else. Many of them understand that the education is to provide the necessary for a normal life like doing homework, feeding them, supplying food and outfit, giving instructions like brush your teeth, eat well, …etc, with a view to have the typical way of life, and by the way that means a care only and some rules that help to organizing the ordinary process of the life.

    But the education is depending to the principles that the kid must carry for his life to manage it correctly the most possible and redirect his behaviours towards the right way. And according to my simple knowledge about this issue, I learnt and I searched about: what scientist say in the matter, then I preferred here to transfer that to you through this article and I say that the principles are coming by teaching new thoughts and training to have special convictions from, those principles are the headlines of life and making deep roots for great values in themselves to define how normally should they behave and deal with their environment. Second one is changing their interest and redirect them to integrate into different areas of life (since the childhood) in order to learn more skills (artistic, technical, social, ..etc), regardless to their personal tendencies. 

    Because of one from mistakes of parents during the education is to let them do anything they want freely, and don’t interfere by their experience to redirect their children’s desires until they lose the control. The results - often -will be an irresponsible person in the end and without any landmark in life as a genuine human.

    The education requires too to transplant the proper values and reinforce its pillars, to interfere in the relationships of children and help them how to manage conflicts, how to spot them and fix the problems, guide them to have good companions,…etc. without forgetting an important factor to help you in this mission, the factor is to “making models” for them whom they fellow and imitate, that has a huge effect on personalities and on their future generally and to be successful in life.

    Furthermore; you see how we can look so wrong only because we don’t interpret rightly the true meaning of each term and then we behave different than we intend to do. The matter here is like giving direct decisions without any explanation; and the second is teaching how to take that decision in logical process according to the previous factors that the children already got them in the same time. So it’s important issue and everybody should care more about it in this life.

What does everybody need? (From being in touch with others)

    It’s very obvious to us that everyone needs to interact with his environment by all its components, and in the first place interacting with other people like him. And I would like to remind you that the human nature is for living in sociable way to deal and react with that.

How can that interaction be in right meaning?

Keeping the hope:

    As we said before; the hope is very important factor to continue on the road, and without it; the people have no will to realize something they wish in life, they even lose the wish to do. But when your milieu brings to you the hope in somehow, and people around you are supporting you, trying to motivate you in several ways, show you some light in the murk of hopelessness. Show you their standing by your side, in that situation you may feel some hope and your mind lighted again by a new mental charge – like a device that turn on when it’s connected  to electricity-, all that to not surrender and retake the will to do what’s important for you.

More of patience:

    When you recover your hope, you’ll have the necessary energy to restart in right way. You’ll think how can you make yourself better and then your life in the good sense, when you recover your taste to life again you start looking for a way how to handle that, Even if these people they don’t know all details and the real circumstances around and pressures within; but when you feel their support, you’ll be shy if you disappoint their belief in you. But it’s not enough; you need the patience to not rush on results and keep doing your efforts to overcome the hardness of your bad times.

Strength and understanding through contact:

    When you need someone to talk to; you’ll be lucky if you find that person. Because people rarely when they think to give some of their time to others, whereas they should do that many times (I talked about that when I said that the happiness comes by giving more than by taking in life, so like you get try to give them also when it's possible). The discussion is the way to clarifying any confusion comes in minds, and rectify the thoughts.

    So it’s very important to the person to get that from his environment because he feels himself a factor in it, and a valuable element also, not just a rigid piece, and the close people are committed to do that.

Aspiration:

    Clearly to have the hope and the necessary strength to fulfil something fruitful in your life, it’s preferable to be in touch with very positive people who can motivate you and affect on you through their positive aura, positive charge, energies, and motivating sensitive words, to inspire from their process in life, in how they behave and dealing with challenges, and their effective doings towards realizing their goals. In result, you’ll reload your battery again, you’ll be positive too and very ambitious to get what you’re looking for, then your feelings will be always pushing you towards this required target (which increase your hope too) and you’ll achieve it while you’re still ambitious and in this stimulating environment.

    Mainly those are very important to have but moreover; people want to have trust and confidence, joy, sympathizing with them in life to not feel isolated and their presence in the mankind‘s life and not just a piece in one corner - to avoiding more diseases those coming from the lack of social dealings in life like the autism -.

    People are committed to contacting each other in our world because of the nature of life’s rules and be acquainted for exchanging thoughts and ideas, taking part of knowledge and sciences, sharing feelings and emotions and values too, contributing in the general and personal development alike, even the bad experiences will be a kind of sedateness and like a guide to you for what’s next in life, all those by being in contact righty with each other which broaden the horizons, and let the minds more opened.

What does everybody need? (To realize his existence correctly in life).

The human is the only creature on the planet that possesses a mind, and he’s featured by this great grace between all creatures to find out the reason and the purpose from his existence in the world. It means that all creatures in the universe are created to be devoted for the human, and realizing his existence.  But not all people have the luck to discover that with the truth which says that everybody is created for a specified reason.

Habitually; we got the first information from people around us who experimented them before, in other words it’s a ready knowledge we obtain easily from others, and that’s running ordinarily between generations.  The past provides an immense service for humanity to learn lessons from mistakes of previous people (individuals or in groups). Those previous experiences can guide us to developing ourselves in the everyday life (in all its details). It was the mind that let the humanity did great steps towards the luxury of life and civilization during centuries and eras. The lifestyle of people is growing up constantly and always there is a new thing comes (from creative minds) to our world in order to facilitate the life and to make it easier and more comfort than before. We can see an interpretation of that in several things around us whether in material or mental products and creations; we can touch the progress in comparing with previous eras.

That mission (which the mind provides to us) requires to keep moving on the same road, learning from previous mistakes, and correct into the current life, all that for serving the next generations to have a life better than ours now, we teach them from childhood to establish on the previous gained -knowledge (and start from where the previous are stopped, like defining the headlines of life)then they continue the process in the same context and of course the same mission that the mind is required to do.

When the destiny leads you to a side that you didn’t want (looks like that in first time), and although you spared no effort to get that, don’t be so upset from it because you reached the side that you need in fact (instead what you want), the god’s wisdom wanted to give you what’s necessary and important for you right now, your mind can’t recognize all at same time whereas your creator can do, so respect that and accept in your life and don’t be rush in getting your desires.

During that time, the mind has to do something else, it’s depending to the everyday life, serious matters which every person must think and care enough about them. Those matters are relying on the human life generally from the beginning until the end, the next time; we’ll show generally the essence of these serious matters.

“A life without decency is a silly life, without a mission or responsibility it’s so stupid life and so bored life when there isn’t a goal from the whole life.”  - Dr. An-Nabulsi.

I can’t bear more, is there any hope? (part 02)

in the same context with the previous part; where I took the health’s problems as an example to show some views about the matter of bearing more time the current situation.

I said also that to coping the situation is depending to the hope, if you lose the gleam of your hope in the matter -that probably it can be fine-, so you’re late to think about it, better to not think again.

It is normal when someone is confused about the way to handle, that's not only your feeling, because it’s the same like many people just with different problems that clash them, maybe you prefer to surrender because of some hopeless thoughts but it’s wrong choice, when you’re feeling so weak; remember it doesn't mean the end of course, our powers and moral are like a curve (up & down), and also the process of life. Now weak and after a while you become stronger, when it’s in a positive moment so it's your chance to pass that hardness of your problem.

By the way, "to overcome a problem, never means that you finished from it, but it means that you handle it and you found a way to deal with"

i guess the majority of people isn't completely healthy in this world and, at least have some psychological problems or some fears from the future (the environment brings that instability because of the mess of events), and with the same example I can say that a lot of people suffer from health, just different diseases which are in degrees too, remarkable or not, ...etc.

When you repeat your mind the thought that ‘you’re feeling weak and can’t resist, of course you’ll be convinced -after a while- that you’re weak and your body get a weakness too, but if you believe in the inverse, just be accustomed with different falls and rises of life during years.

Sometimes it's a matter of psychology and the problem is your attitude from the problem, not the problem itself, when you can overcome in the moment that you find a logical way to deal with, wisely and effectively, and that’s the most important in the way to reach the end of problem. Probably the physical pains are still with you, but their pressures which affect on your other sides of life will decrease in your psychology from inside, so you can bear more and I said mores:

why not to be living together with a bit sickness whereas you’re treating yourself and using constantly the suitable medicine for it, until you recover and get healing, or you maybe forget that you're sick (get used with time), that's not a disaster, and maybe later that sickness will disappear (if you’re doing the necessary and using medicines as an ordinary treatment), and to accepting yourself as you’re in fact doesn’t mean you don’t look for change, because the psychological side helped you a lot when you forget about the matter which is usually some fears from future.

Basically the problem is not only in the health that it can be perhaps with people themselves or someone else that and need their care (like one of parents or kids who is unable), it can be also in job’s tasks, personal life, or when dealing with relatives…etc, always you shouldn’t neglect the side how to look to the matter regardless to ordinary process of treatment.

So generally; it isn’t depending completely to the case itself, but to the way how you deal with and treat it, else this weakness will remain with you longer in your life, no different thought means no different situation.  That you change your perspective about the matter; it’s the best way to adapt with your circumstances, get rid of your fears, and can bear more that situation with a good feeling in your mood for reaching the best in wise steps.

I can’t bear more, is there any hope?

    Several problems that can be at work, or health problems, familiar or personal problems too, the human being (in his life) is exposed to have, which apply a huge pressures on him. The matter to deal with is difficult of course, and it’s depending to his view to the matter, and his way to deal with. This situation leads to have an impression of no way to reaching a happy end after all that.

    When someone realize that the people around are living a perfect life without problems, and only he who suffers from that, he feels himself so weak. The feeling of weakness -because of the hard circumstances- makes the life so difficult, and that can affect on the entirely life of the person, in his work, at home with family, or with himself because of the pressures applied from those circumstances. That feeling comes when the person thinks himself the only person who’s flopping in bad times, and that’s the reason of the weakness.

    I heard from someone that it seems like “the life is playing a strange game in this way” because of some illness and other stuffs too (the reason can be everything, but I can take that as example), that’s hard a little because of no outlet to make an end to the problem.  Maybe you’ve the same situation in your life like with my friend, just with differences in details or places only, and it’s happening with everyone.

    the people whom you see in everywhere in streets, at work, on TV, all have that strange game, only it doesn't appear for you in the same way that it appears in their lives, what appears from your perspective is only their interface, and behind; there is a big mess in the life, people usually are keen to show only the perfect sides which are shining in the life to fascinating others, and the same with everyone in his life when he deals with others, then others will get the impression that he’s living a perfect life whereas he isn’t. So we can realize that some people have really a game stranger than yours as other have less too. You –or everyone- only think the inverse about others, when they all struggle with that and constantly they keep trying to cope, but to overcome that strange game (problem), it’s not depending only to resources (opportunities) of everyone but also his energies and his thoughts as well. Because if you’ve a gleam into your heart that protect you from being completely upset for 100%, so there is a little bit of positive energy to work by it in order to exploiting your remaining time.

    The previous article discussed this matter, I mean when you’re obliged to do something valuable in your life, it’s better to do your best in it, with a wish to get the result that you look for, instead to deepen in your fears towards the worse. So you do your best when you’ve that hope of course. Because the hope -that you will reach a situation better than you’ve now- is the essence of activeness to someone for changing his life towards the best. 

Don't refrain yourself from telling good words!

   The life requires being in touch with people because of plenty of reasons in order to deal then to obtain the desires and interests.

    Nobody denies that the pressures (which come through life’s events and problems) they tire the person and break his will to doing something important as we said before. So it’s an ordinary fact that everyone can have in his life.

    In many times these situations are hard to overcoming them alone and maybe the solution -to handle them- comes from a separated person to the matter as the talking (with someone truthful and trustworthy who can understand you very well as he can understand that matter) is very helpful psychologically in way to resolve your problems, also the listening is useful too.

    If you already met that or someone whom you know in this case (your friend, sibling, colleagues, or just you met him in bus one day) and you heard from him that what’ we mentioned above, it means that this person has a need for help, and hoping to find something with you, else he couldn’t tell you explicitly, if you’re in this case and you can say something useful, so don’t hesitate to tell it (in order to add  a positive value of course), don’t hold back the good words from going outside of your heart! Even if you weren’t asked directly to tell; that you’re able; so release your tongue to bring a positive addition, and to be like a brightening source for your listeners. That because you don’t have the same stress and pressures, so you can bring a different view to the matter and telling your opinion in its positive sense. In the end it’s an opinion but it can be an important part of solution.

    You’re able to tell something useful about the matter that you heard, tell it when you’re permitted to tell! The time goes on, and maybe you forget after a while what you already said, whereas that person will live those words in his reality “like a medicine” where they affected positively on him and on his life generally forever. So that concerned person can recover the hope from your good words, you may be raising his morale, help to change a conviction to the better, all those results can come just through your wise word when you said it.

    You aren’t waiting for any recompense neither thanking, after that try to helping (because maybe you just met once and only one in your life) just do it for nothing in return as a service to someone even when you don’t know him. But when you grant this favour it’ll bring the happiness to your heart that you did something valuable really, one day you’ll meet also who tells you a good word and helps you. Don’t stop telling helpful words when you can that. Just keep yourself saying good words for people whom you know or you meet always in everywhere you’re whatever the situation, that’s better than keeping the silence and being neutral.

    In fact; don’t refrain yourself from telling good words necessary for the situation when you think  it’s the suitable time for it, that favour can be so instrumental for the second person when you do it, in our life it can be also wider than to be limited in words, maybe a mental or a physical effort, every favour (small or big) it’s a great service.