The relationships in our world today (Part 1)

     In my opinion ; I see about the relationships without passing through marriage, has many disadvantages really, one girl told me that old people for example in her country (from previous generation) see that is not good to be in full relationships before marriage or being engaged at least, and many are thinking same so in different countries more or less.

     And what changed now in societies, i don't mean a country in particular, but that's in everywhere now, because it’s the new and modern culture through "the globalization". the new generations are obsessed to the freedom in way they claim to fake freedom (if we think deeply about that, it'll be more painful than they imagine, why? because now they prefer to be free from any obligation or any value came from the past, to guarantee their absolute freedom, which became the only value to look for as a reference and to care about, whereas that's not true always and doesn’t work in all cases of course,

     The humanity's traditions and customs say along the ages and centuries that the marriage is the act between two people to make a family, (although those conceptions are redefined, and have got many updates), but let's start from a question I’ve heard :

     "How can someone meet a girl? i mean to find out about her personality, character,beauty, hobbies etc. unless be with her for a while, then to know if she matches with you properly?"

      In the context; I’ll bring the real definitions that must do exist into any society, the marriage that i meant (as it was always in past), it's not to prevent meeting between the two concerned ones in the issue, of course marriage won't be a blind act without knowing each other, right. but the fact to preceed the marriage (official act) by a relationship (for fulfilling the desires) is the reason that causes many problems and break hearts to have failed and sad endings.

     A few decades ago; relationships were more successful than in the today life, with their previous definition, and the problem is in the changes that happened in societies, which means the changes in people's mindsets, concepts, social relations and social values aswell. when two people are in relationship and spending alot of time together and do everything possible to do, together, talk so much, and appearantly the feelings are growing up but not in the proper way that they should be in order to lead to a successful ending.

     And for a while, they're learning about each other (this is the main reason that people rely on, just to convince themselves they're right, and no way except that one). for example now friends know a lot about each other, they know about hobbies, mindsets, characters, behaviors, thoughts, what each other like or dislike, their interests, and tendencies,....etc, they know a lot about each other really, but does that mean they're in relationships ? of course not,

     Moreover; why do we love some people without any condition to that love? (like family; with parents or siblings). Simply because they make a part of us, whatever happens they’ll stay in same position from us, and generally have same attitude from us towards them. The same when it’s a husband/wife and father/mother or parent/children. And the last thing they should think about is the divorce, not because it’s difficult to doing, but because it's not preferable as a choice.

     When two people take the long time together without any official link in between (justifying the reason to knowing more about each other and if they can bear each other or not...etc), in this way; their feelings will be drained completely to the bottom. whereas they think the feelings is growing up, but that's not true in the fact. when they enjoyed each other enough and shared almost everything, and each one pleased the second enough, then of course there will be some boredom between, and one day (sooner or later), one of the two people (or both) will have a sudden change and find no more benefits from the second one. because the life's interests are changing constantly, and that staying along the time ends up to someone with no more interest in him/her, and like that; the breaking up comes for any casual reason maybe, because this one (or maybe both) already feel satisfied from each other, and everything is already done. so why they need to continue in this case?

     Surely the human self (in this case) will look for new passion  and something else, and to look for being out of that routine; to have more satisfaction for desires, or just more adventures, since there is no steady link to preserve their being together. and that style; broke the hearts of many people unfortunately, because no guarantees for their social, neither psychological  nor emotional rights. that's what the modern life gave us from redefining many concepts like about social life here. Shouldn’t we think again about those concepts and how do they affect on our lives?

The need for common system of morals.

    People are different in their backgrounds and their cultures, which affect logically on their attitudes, thoughts and points of view, and when they come to define certain terms, they maybe disagree to determine the same definition to it.

    I got a question that means to say about the things I do like in this world and in mankind and those which I dislike, and because the topic generally was a new into my mind, I got in my mind an answer that analyzing a bit the human nature and the world today. That’s a story about the concepts and the values into every single mind, honestly all people agree that they love the peace, calm, happiness, the fortune, the fun, the joy, the justice, because that's what our instinct is made of, and meanwhile we dislike the hating, the oppression, stealing, ...etc. But the problem is in the confusion between those good values which all people look after.

    people have differences in how they define those terms, and if you ask about liking justice, nobody will answer you “no don't like”, but in fact they like justice when it's for their rights and their desires, and when they’re looking after it, but when it happens that justice is against them, and against their benefits, or someone else is striving to get it, they don’t give the matter enough importance, and they underestimate from the matter.

     So here the value is the selfishness since it’s not personal matter, and no talk about justice whereas we’re all live in same world and under the same universal circumstances even if our personal circumstances are different, and instead to have the same attitude from the issue they don’t care or maybe to stand against hidden behind some illogical reasons, they unintentionally forget about the justice's principle which they strive for in the first case.

     So there is the essence into our instinct inside in the depths of the human, but there is no strict controller that people are agreed about to keep control on those terms similarly on all of people, that's the problem in the matter, and the way to fix it, is through knowledge, while we learn more, we can find out about ourselves and our depths truly, do you agree with my opinion here?

     Yeah the knowledge is the cure against any bad stuff, it's a cure for ignorance and bad stereotypes, more we find out about issues we can have clearer idea about and then we won’t betray the principles and the we keep then the essence of morals as they’re into the human instinct and into the human nature according to the pattern on which he is made, but to imposing the opinion on others, that's really the bad fact, it starts from politicians who impose their thoughts, whether they look for good for others or for their personal benefits as usual, to the media that works according to oriented agendas and for certain purposes far away of the neutrality, until the simple people when they treat and deal with each other.

     So anyone has some of authority on someone else, will have the power to impose certain concepts on the way he wants them to see them, and usually that happens for guarantee some benefits constantly and being appreciated and protected from any troubles, it's the person's interests and selfishness, arrogance, superiority’s feelings, that push to such situations and as a sequence there will be more conflicts and misunderstanding between people and nations aswell.  

     To fixing well those problems, it’s required to have a common system of measuring the morals and determining correctly the values and principles that command in and control the people’s lives in every time and in everywhere.  But the question that I’ll finish my article with is: which measure should/must we rely on to determine perfectly those terms and clarifying well the principles based on morals? Probably I’ll reply on that question in other occasion.

Differences: between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness). (part 2/2)

    In this second part, I’ll continue displaying the view on the topic, by more explanations and arguments, because the matter needs a lot of concentration to understand and we’ll continue from the idea which says that the equity means to distribute the rights and responsibilities according to every single situation, and of course we’ll find many similarities and in the end we’ll have some patterns which control this mechanism.

    And here is another example, you can’t give two people in your family the same responsibilities without considering the age, the sex, the consciousness, the ability and efficiency, and the knowledge of each one, also you can’t give all them the same advantages for the previous factors too.

    I continue in the same sample, in the family, all children have the same rights and treatment theoretically from their parents, and I mean the basic thing like : Eating, drinking, outfits, education and learning, …etc. but when someone is sick, he must get a special treatment and care more than others else it’s not fair enough. So when people have the same criteria, they get the same dealing and that’s the equality between them. But once someone is featured by an additional criteria, of course he must get an additional treatment – more or less - according to the case, a treatment that differs to others whether more or less, reward or punishment, better or worse,…etc.

    So practically the life absolutely managed in a way that the equity is the principle whatever the situation is, or the treatment we do towards others, maybe you can realize that when you see yourself behaving differently from a person to another, right! Logically because you don’t make them in the same position according to: the age, kinship ties, gender, nationality, religion, or just the kindness of personality (when someone is kind, or rude, educated or ignorant, easy-going, flexible or fanatic,..etc.)

    There is another suspicion, it’s about the equality between man and woman, this idea brings many of troubles in the human life, simply because it’s not fair enough in their rights (whether man or woman), because in some situations we’ll be unjust to put on woman responsibilities greater than the strength that she can (or she has) to bear (in comparing with the man) and the same for the man too. So we’ve to respect and to take account of those characteristics and traits in each one in order to instruct the convenient tasks and requirements in life, and in that way we shouldn’t admit the equality between man and woman, but there must be equity between them, because in some situations it’s needed to prioritize the woman by more advantages than the man, and some other situations; it’s the opposite. In other words; that everyone has his own rights and responsibilities dependant (and not obligatory the same at once) but complementary to the second in the life overall.

    It was a big lie in our world that we appeal to equality and convince ourselves whereas the matter will be more unjust if we apply that in every part of life in fact. Rarely to find exactly the same situation that requires one equal treatment whether between people or societies when you can match between, and there will be a similarity between them only in that situation, once a new condition comes across; you’ll be obliged to change from your attitude against and then your treatment (not the same with others like before) and that’s depending to every detail in your life.

Differences: between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness). (part1/2)

    I don’t want to stop talking in this topic without passing from the matter of equality, and in this article; the difference will be between “equality” & “equity” (the fairness) that’s one of the issue that people very much confuse, not only some people, but I think it’s a polemic that makes a problem in the entire world.

    I bring an example here, and I enter to the matter from an economic side; the procedure that guarantees the governmental support for people on basic products those they need (or subsidy in prices of basic things as food, milk, water..etc), it’s a way to support those people about what they need in daily life. It was –this procedure- in order to make equality between all people in their rights and social life, but in fact that was only an advantage for whose have a comfort income, where they get a lot of benefits from it and from many procedures like this one.

    Whereas the targeted category in society doesn’t get any benefits at all, because of the low incomes they can’t obtain the true reason from the procedure, and it doesn't bring any change in fact. So the opportunity isn’t disposable for everyone like it seems in the beginning and it’s preferable that the support goes directly to the hands of targeted people among others (after defining them well) because of their needs and not for everyone alike.

   This last isn’t equality of course (because we prioritized a part of people more than others for certain reasons), but it’s an equity in the society to make the balance and nobody can make an excuse – for himself - to object that. That’s from an economic side, and we can make a comparison to all different sides of life.

    So the main idea that we get is: the essence of equality is looking to the general apparition from the procedures, but the essence of equity is looking to the purposes – after/ later - from those procedures in life.

   The second idea is: the necessary that they should do is to providing the proper environment – for everyone - to get his opportunity or possessing something (or achieve something), then people decide to work seriously on this way – to get that opportunity and apply in reality - or to waste their chances if they’re not serious enough or if they’ve different interests. And thirdly; the nomination of equality is prevailed in life on the basic term which is the equity,

   The equity is to give everyone his deserved rights, and those rights are different from a person to another according to the circumstances and situation of everyone, it means sometimes the equality can be no equity in some applications, and the two terms be in opposition in that case. We need to take all sides in consideration to guarantee the equity as a value in the society agreeing with the human nature to create a good environment for the continuance of life.

the true value isn’t the same like we see (part 2).

   I said in the previous article how we evaluate some matter by wrong ways, it’s easy when we deal with things in our lives but it’s a little sensible with people. As I said before; what seems easy, it’s not in the reality, if we meditate well, we’ll find it as the resultant for many previous works you did them separately. Which means you should appreciate that and make it valuable too although you think that you got it easily. That appears clearly when the matter concerns the way of dealing with the nature. We don’t appreciate it as the same what it deserves, we don’t care seriously about it, therefore we start lose a lot from its features. You can understand what I mean now, right ! So take the same example on different matter in your life.

   People are different in their characters from good to bad, from calm to the arrogant, surely you experimented these in your life and you met from all kinds. When the person is humble, kind, friendly, you feel comfort with this person and your relationship can develop to be better and stronger.

  You find the suitable climate to strengthen this relation because the other side allowed that, and you don’t see it so important for you really. The way was easy to have this person in your life therefore you don’t present a good treatment, he (she) doesn’t get a huge interest from your side, usually you don’t care a lot about that. In the same time when your knowledge to this person took your interest (according to this person’s position in life), you did some efforts to strengthen the relation and you tire yourself to broaden it (usually that happens mutually), for some reasons, maybe a business gathered you in one way together, or work, or any interesting project in this worldly life. The both of you are cautious in every step to keep the nature of relation and let it's going normally, and the both of you see its importance (perhaps because of reciprocal benefits) with time you can see the fake goodness of some people around you and the true of others.

   When you see a person who forgives your mistakes, tolerant with everything you do it, don’t think that because of weakness of this person’s personality, he (she) did that willingly although there are many other reactions possible, he (she) preferred this doing for certain reasons, and not because he (she) is absurd.

   In brief: you respect somebody when you consider them care a lot of about your being with them, because they seem (and you think that) precious people, however; you don’t care about your doing or your reactions against the person who looks like easy to get (in your mind of course). And that happens often between friends.

   In the end, maybe you can’t see their true value (of these people) even you made them impatient with you and they leave you forever, there you feel what you really lose in your life. It’s precious to have these people in your life. Usually we don’t see the importance of these people starting from the family members even we lose them.

  The true value of every person appears when this person shows you his (her) respect and care every time (it’s a grace when you get care from others and they like you, appreciate your opinions, your advices). Many people haven’t what you have; only you don’t appreciate that. If you don’t see it, you’ll regret later when you don’t find these nice people by your side (neither the bad people who look for their benefits, nothing else).

  If you don’t think seriously to keep this grace – these precious people around you-, you’ll lose them, right, and perhaps you won’t get the chance to find like that companionship in all the next years of life.

Who are the best people in the world?

   People work to make valuable career and achieve many different achievements in their lives, we’re always looking for the best situation of life and nobody disagree with this way.

   We all need help to realize something important in the life, regardless to the percentage of this help is big or small.

   The nice people are: who have good qualities and nice ethics, these people are very welcome from the society, and they're very respectful also, because the society appreciates so much in its depths that.

   I read sometimes in news (in newspapers or international magazines), about people who founded the organizations for charity, to give foods for hungry people, to provide the pure water or the basic services for health, to contribute in the education’s operations, and …… a lot of them.

   They don’t look for the fame because already they’re. But I can interpret that in some words: “these people know very well how to live their lives”, they find way among the ways of happiness in life, and they understand how they can make their lives so interesting life.

  The morality - which I mean here today - is about ourselves: me, you, and everybody reads now with me:

   How much do you see yourself important and useful in this life? How can you evaluate your contribution in your society? In your town; at least in your road between home and work? You greet your neighbours, you stand in the bus to let the older people to sit,..etc. these are the true meanings of the helpful person in the society.

   We all have many advantages, many sources of livelihood; they differ from a person to another, you’ve the respectful job, and good educational level, the well-off and pleasant life, good conditions in your lifestyle. But if I’ve the right to ask you something: when it was the last time where you helped somebody in his (her) personal life? Or where you gave (someone in need in the street) a little from your money? When ( it was the last time) where you visited your friend who needs you really?

   Sometimes I think; if we gather all our money (and our welfares) which we've in the life in one side, and all people in the second side. I see that these graces can be available for everyone and enough to guarantee a respectful life to everybody too. But this is only a theoretical thinking.

    We can’t change the world; but we can change our worlds, and we can control our lives. And when everybody do that; we’ll feel the difference in the conditions of society. You can see the difference even if it’s small, and they look so simple behaviours really. That it brings the happiness to you and that will be the first step to make the changing - it’s to start by ourselves -.

   “The best people are the most useful to others; the most helpful; the best people are who can provide valuable means to help people around them, even by their words, or their smiles only”. You can measure yourself according to these criteria. Because the life has no meaning without sharing the good things with others.

   One thing more I remember now; your achievements inside the family, if you try to be useful person out home, you must do more in home to be serviceable person to the family, to be the best of the best people. You don’t forget one of these two sides - home and outside -, but you can always balance between them. 

And remember : the best people are the most helpful people.