The relationships in our world today. (Part 02)

     I've heard this many times and i'd like to repeat the phrase, and i think it has a deep meaning too, which says: the most important in life is to love the woman/man whom you'll marry; instead to marry the woman/man whom you love. It seems confusing a bit, but i'll try to explain it now here. i don't think someone can disagree with the first part, but the second part looks wrong, you can understand me if you get in minds that I mainly emphasize on the order between the two factors, the wrong thing in the definition "of love" into our minds, (or in other words the way that our conscious learned about the love from different influences), and we can't rely on the love and only; to make a strong and long relationship - as everybody may say so -, but the love is supposed to grow up along the life in between, not waiting it to be grown enough then to be sure and to tell yourself : "ok! i'm sure this is the person whom i'll spend my life with", and if you ask anybody has a successful life (i mean asking eldery people), i think you'll find the same answer like in here.

     That calls in my mind the fact of two people still loving each other, although they don't look the same like the time when they've met in past, the changes came on them after years so the faces and bodies are completely changed with years, and even some views, but the love is alive and stronger. Of course there aren’t perfect and surely some conflicts had been within the years, and struggles to exceed some situations, also not everything was accepted from a one to another, but they kept the most important in between, that affability while living together and sharing the same responsibilities. With years they realize that the life can’t be shorten just into feelings, but the life is more than only that, and deeper aswell, which is based on more roles to play into. That's why the people today are far from their roots and social values, they disconnected from their past completely, and almost each relationship is free from any responsibility usually, so they lost the essences and get themselves lost.

     People surely need to know each other well before getting married , because it's an important step in life, but not necessarily in the way that's popular in the world of today. People agree with this fact they've now while they don't know anything else better as alternative. Because they wasted the ancestors' experiences and focused on the modern style of life that they're impressed by it,( kind of self-confidence more than the necessary), just to following the worldly trends, through different tools, and also reasons (which are long to talk about them all in here right now). But it's easy to know many about others today through communications (and as i said how friends are knowing about each other too), we don't need all details in the beginning whereas that must be as results for relationship, we need the necessary and the stability in the commitments between the couple.

     I’ve read in one novel about something in this context, the girl  and after some confusion she had and insecurity in her relationship, she asks her friend's advice  : I just want a hot relationship that ends up with marriage”, she naively thinks so. Then her friend - who’s older than her and seems wiser so - explained: you've just said it here, to ends up with marriage, and since it's ended up; so what will you keep for yourself both after getting married? fights? Looking for someone else or divorce maybe.

     Like that, the previous statement means, the love is growing up along the life and not completing its growth before the marriage, else it'll be drained only because no responsibilities nor duties that keep the relation between, no commitment, no clear goal nor common purpose for the two people ahead. Everyone is free and in every moment it's possible to be far away from the second in a second, that promote the cheating and disloyalty and cause then the insecurity, depression, and so on.

     To be committed into the marriage as an institution for family and society; requires some rules to follow, that commitment is the push to be someone caring and loving, because there is a goal they both aspire to achieve, it's the incentive to limit the passion into the family context (and i focus just on this side of love/relationships/marriage). That person won't look for something else far, where it's available between hands with the near partner and enough to fullfilling the needs (whether for the man or the woman) because it's mutual between.

     The emotions are an energy from the 04 human's energies, that should we renew it and upload it, and to be aware how to spend it, but the complication in the life today led the people to misuse this energy in the proper way, they unintentionally waste this resource and drain it in emptiness, and so they feel lost and usually to be in bad feelings can have awful consequences (which we previously have to avoid really).

     All that can show the need to think again at least on personal level, on how to measure that fact and to be aware enough to protect ourselves.

The relationships in our world today (Part 1)

     In my opinion ; I see about the relationships without passing through marriage, has many disadvantages really, one girl told me that old people for example in her country (from previous generation) see that is not good to be in full relationships before marriage or being engaged at least, and many are thinking same so in different countries more or less.

     And what changed now in societies, i don't mean a country in particular, but that's in everywhere now, because it’s the new and modern culture through "the globalization". the new generations are obsessed to the freedom in way they claim to fake freedom (if we think deeply about that, it'll be more painful than they imagine, why? because now they prefer to be free from any obligation or any value came from the past, to guarantee their absolute freedom, which became the only value to look for as a reference and to care about, whereas that's not true always and doesn’t work in all cases of course,

     The humanity's traditions and customs say along the ages and centuries that the marriage is the act between two people to make a family, (although those conceptions are redefined, and have got many updates), but let's start from a question I’ve heard :

     "How can someone meet a girl? i mean to find out about her personality, character,beauty, hobbies etc. unless be with her for a while, then to know if she matches with you properly?"

      In the context; I’ll bring the real definitions that must do exist into any society, the marriage that i meant (as it was always in past), it's not to prevent meeting between the two concerned ones in the issue, of course marriage won't be a blind act without knowing each other, right. but the fact to preceed the marriage (official act) by a relationship (for fulfilling the desires) is the reason that causes many problems and break hearts to have failed and sad endings.

     A few decades ago; relationships were more successful than in the today life, with their previous definition, and the problem is in the changes that happened in societies, which means the changes in people's mindsets, concepts, social relations and social values aswell. when two people are in relationship and spending alot of time together and do everything possible to do, together, talk so much, and appearantly the feelings are growing up but not in the proper way that they should be in order to lead to a successful ending.

     And for a while, they're learning about each other (this is the main reason that people rely on, just to convince themselves they're right, and no way except that one). for example now friends know a lot about each other, they know about hobbies, mindsets, characters, behaviors, thoughts, what each other like or dislike, their interests, and tendencies,....etc, they know a lot about each other really, but does that mean they're in relationships ? of course not,

     Moreover; why do we love some people without any condition to that love? (like family; with parents or siblings). Simply because they make a part of us, whatever happens they’ll stay in same position from us, and generally have same attitude from us towards them. The same when it’s a husband/wife and father/mother or parent/children. And the last thing they should think about is the divorce, not because it’s difficult to doing, but because it's not preferable as a choice.

     When two people take the long time together without any official link in between (justifying the reason to knowing more about each other and if they can bear each other or not...etc), in this way; their feelings will be drained completely to the bottom. whereas they think the feelings is growing up, but that's not true in the fact. when they enjoyed each other enough and shared almost everything, and each one pleased the second enough, then of course there will be some boredom between, and one day (sooner or later), one of the two people (or both) will have a sudden change and find no more benefits from the second one. because the life's interests are changing constantly, and that staying along the time ends up to someone with no more interest in him/her, and like that; the breaking up comes for any casual reason maybe, because this one (or maybe both) already feel satisfied from each other, and everything is already done. so why they need to continue in this case?

     Surely the human self (in this case) will look for new passion  and something else, and to look for being out of that routine; to have more satisfaction for desires, or just more adventures, since there is no steady link to preserve their being together. and that style; broke the hearts of many people unfortunately, because no guarantees for their social, neither psychological  nor emotional rights. that's what the modern life gave us from redefining many concepts like about social life here. Shouldn’t we think again about those concepts and how do they affect on our lives?